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April 09, 2009


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A hard question, Zen Mamma. We try to be honest but also protect our children. I think there is a distiction bewteen news they don't need to hear (do any of us?) and news they can't escape. If they can't escape it, like your son realizing WHY the baseball game was cancelled, then we have to be honest. Often our interpretation or the amount of information we give helps decide how our kids respond. It's a challenge to find the right balance between being honest and also being aware of what our kids can handle.


Well, Zen Mama, I guess I have to agree with your second thoughts on this one... at 7, it's probably more appropriate to wait until he asks about this sort of news. Given who was killed, he may well have caught wind of it one way or another -- and if he asked about it, I'd give it to him straight and not duck the issue. But I think I'd refrain from bringing it up first.

If you need to talk about something like this, find a friend, call your sister, or find someone you can open up to and talk it through. It was certainly one of those tragic pieces of news like so many others we've had of late, and I know I was glad of the opportunity to talk about it with my husband. But hitting a 7-year-old with something of this nature may be too much for him.

I guess the biggest question is: how did your son respond?

Zen Mama Wannabe

I go back and forth on whether I should have said something or not. But I did and the good news is that it seems to all be fine. He didn't freak out or get upset (even after having time to process it) and was even able to explain to me why the Angel players all had #34's on their uniforms (in Adenhart's honor).

All fine this time...but I think I will continue to be careful with what they are exposed to (and yes, continue to monitor my big mouth - or TRY anyway!).


I remember being told that when a child asks , is the time to come up with some age appropriate response.

I tried to do that, about death, sex, teachers & respect etc. it seemed that when they were ready to hear it ,they did, & when they weren’t quite ready, they heard a version of it.
They, [3 boys] seemed to have their own filter.

The question for me would be , How did the child respond after a day or two?

From all I’ve read you have great instincts, & isn’t it better to speak of death or other difficult aspects of life when the people involved are more remote from the child. It’s like baby steps to the time it hits closer to home. They’ve had some external experience, so that there is a foundation for that which is more personal to them or to you.

Great article.

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