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October 09, 2008


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Intellectually, I'm sure I knew that other people have these visitations, but it sure is comforting to have you talk about it! These ghosts pop up out of nowhere and invade my thoughts and feelings, and sometimes -- not often, thank goodness! -- they linger and try to move in with me for awhile. While I don't know that I try to barricade the door against their entry (which would be useless anyway, as far as I can tell: they just pop in through closed doors and windows, ignoring any barriers I might consider erecting), neither can I say I welcome them warmly and offer them a cup of tea!

"Oh, it's YOU again! I don't have time for you today: Go away!" I didn't realize I'd said this aloud until my daughter looked at me somewhat strangely and asked me who I was talking to. (I guess I'm glad she at least understood I wasn't talking to her, telling her to go away!) Sometimes in my startledness at one of these ghosts' appearance, I instinctively blurt out, "Mom!" or even "Mama!" When I mentioned this once long ago to my mother, she asked my why on earth I would call out for her -- did I really expect her to do anything?? But over the years I've come to understand that calling out for Mom is my way of invoking one of the more powerful human presences in my life -- and it's that intimately human being -- mom -- that I'm instinctively calling up in my mind in these situations. Not God or Jesus, to whom I appeal in times of true trouble. No, I call out to the spirit of all moms everywhere, I think, when faced with these gremlins of my past.

These ghosts don't seem to visit with any intention of helping me learn from the mistakes of my past. Oh no, they just seem to maliciously want to rub it in! And so I banish them as quickly as I can, leaving any learnings from the past to my own moments of quiet reflection, not to the uninvited presence of these shadowy nuisances.

So ghosts, begone! Go say Nyah, nyah, nyah to someone else, if you're so inclined, or simply melt back into the past where you belong! Or I'll pull out one of my favorite T-shirts, with a quote from the old Scottish Prayerbook litany:
From ghoulies and ghosties
and long leggedy beasties
and things that go bump in the night,
Good Lord, deliver us!


How amazing to learn that others share the same experience as I do! I have to admit, I am usually hit with a feeling of regret when my "ghosts" visit. Luckily the feeling of regret is quickly followed by the feeling of confidence that I am living the life that is meant for me. I agee ZMW that all our past relationships and experiences are what has guided us to where we are in our lives right now.
They have made us who we are.

Tonggu Momma

ZMW, I think we all struggle with ghosts from our pasts. But, like you, I believe the past makes us who we are today, which can be a good or bad thing, depending on how we allow our experiences to shape us.


Your entry reminds me that people come into our lives for a reason and helps us develop into the person we are today. I firmly believe that every man I have dated and every person I've been friends has taught me something valuable and even inspired me. We may all have ghosts who haunt us with the question "What if?" from time to time, but they remind us life is a journey of unique experiences that shape us into ourselves.

Michelle at Scribbit

I think people do come into our lives for reasons--if nothing else for us to learn from them. Thank you for the entry!


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