Zen Mama Wannabe

Do as I Say, Not as I Do

“5 more minutes and then you are done, Buddy,” I shout to my son, who is busy creating a giant rollercoaster for his latest amusement park on Rollercoaster Tycoon. The words barely get out of my mouth as I run up the stairs to check MY email and peruse the headlines on my Yahoo page.  5 minutes turns into 10…and 20 minutes later we are BOTH still on the computer.  Screen time is the silent enemy in my eyes, trying to monopolize my son’s time.  Yet I have been so busy worrying about him being trapped in this sneaky addiction, I hardly noticed I am caught up in it too!  Maybe we are ALL in need of an intervention!

For me, the computer is both friend and foe.  I love email – it provides a great way for me to stay in touch with friends and family scattered all across the country.  I actually enjoy getting newsletters from some of my favorite websites and stores, even if I don’t have time to read them all.  And how many times per day do I check my personalized home page on Yahoo, set up with all my (many) favorite news sources.  In one quick glance, I get the major headlines from the AP, Reuters and other popular sources.  But is it usually just a quick glance that I take? Or do I get sucked up in the “need to know” vortex of news and entertainment?

Does it really make a difference in my life if I read about the Metrolink train crash tragedy or the devastation of Hurricane Ike 5 minutes after it happened – or 5 hours?  Certainly there will be more known facts and better reporting the longer I wait.  Elizabeth Edwards’ comments on how she is doing in the wake of her husband’s shocking confession will be there for me to read right now – or later tonight – or 3 days from now.  Why do I feel the urgency to read about it now? Have I been so conditioned in this fast-paced, must know world of news and information?

I confess I want to know what is going on.  I don’t ever want to be out of touch with what is happening in our world – that just isn’t this Zen Mama Wannabe’s style.  I’ll never forget my disbelief when after telling a friend about the profound sadness I felt with the death of Tim Russert, she stared at me blankly and said, “Who is Tim Russert?’

So I am not arguing against all this – necessarily. What I am realizing is my need to “just check” the computer as frequently as I do is getting in the way of me being present (i.e. in the moment) with my children.  That is the problem. (Certainly not very Zen-like of me, huh?)

There is a simple solution. This week I told myself I would not go on the computer at all in the afternoon.  When the kids were home from school, I was going to be here – present – in their lives.  Leave it to Beaver strikes again.  Email and internet news would wait until they went to bed.  Sounds completely reasonable, doesn’t it?  Well, here is the truth: I didn’t make it once!  That is right – a big 0 for 5!

Oh I tried - starting out strong, with the best of intentions and all, but then I happened to be walking by my computer and thought, “Oh, I’ll just take a quick peek” – just to see.  I couldn’t help but wondered if my friend had emailed me back, or if anyone had added new comments on my blog, or if the financial crisis played havoc with the stock market that day, or what critics thought of the season premier of House.  WHOOSH – sucked in again!  If that is not an addiction, then what is??

I frown at my son if he wants to play another round of Home Run Derby.  I tell my daughter no more PBS videos for the day, that she has had enough.  But who is telling me I have had enough?  It is pretty apparent it is not just our kids that need limits. 

So, here we go again.  First step: admit there is a problem.  Check.  Second step:  create an action plan.  Check.  Next step:  implement said plan.  Ah yes, JUST DO IT - the hard part.  But don’t worry – I will get there.  You see, this Zen Mama Wannabe is convinced the more tuned in (not out) I am, the more tuned in my kids will be.  It is called the connection cycle: better mom – better kids – better family life – it just keeps going round and round.  We lead my example; I have been talking the talk, now it’s time to show them I can walk the walk.  Just hope I don’t trip all over my heels as I stagger walk down the path!

Limits on Screen Time for Kids

Do your kids have limits on their screen time?  If so, why – and how did those limits come about??

Only the few - perhaps the crazy - would dare to argue that screen time is beneficial to kids.  The whole hand-eye coordination thing doesn’t hold water – because if that is really your concern, get outside with a ball and bat or practice bouncing a balloon in the air, counting how many times you can bop it without it touching the ground.  (The latter is a cheap, easy way to have fun indoors or out, and works for all ages, even the little ones – and yes, it really helps with eye tracking). 

The other possible argument for the whole screen time craze is fitting in with the other kids at school.  If everyone is playing the new Wii Mario Super Sluggers, do you become an outsider if you haven’t and have no idea what everyone is talking about?  Are you excluded from conversations at recess because you are not up on all the Xbox games?  Are you not invited to playdates and birthday parties because you don’t know how to handle a Sony PSP?  (If the answer to any of those questions is YES, then there is something much more serious going on in society today.  But I will leave that for another time). 

Screen time is an activity kids enjoy – and most parents have no problem letting their children play some video games, use the computer, or watch a video or TV show(s).  Just like parents let their kids eat ice cream, have a few cookies, or a bag of chips.  However, a wise ol’ woman (my mother!) taught me a very important lesson:  it is all about moderation.  Just as you would never let your child eat a gallon of Haagen-Dazs every day, limits are needed for screen time as well. 

Some children use moderation themselves.  They use a PSP for 20 minutes and are done; intrinsically they have had enough and are ready to move on to something else.  Sadly though, they are the minority.  What is seen time and time again are children who become “hooked” on these video games and other screen time activities, just like drug addicts become hooked on their drugs.

Last year Oprah’s TV show chronicled a family putting away all their screen time equipment for one week.  The little boy went into hysterics.  His mother watched in horror and said she realized it was like watching a junkie needing a fix.  He was 5.  He played video games for 3 to 5 hours per day.

We all read the articles about the connection between screen time and rising obesity rates.  We have probably heard the statistics that kids who spend 10 hours or more a week in front of a screen do not do as well in school.  I am sure we have seen references to increases in aggressive behavior and/or depression.  Even the AMA (American Medical Association) last year came close to calling excessive video game playing a “formal psychiatric addiction.”  Gee – sounds exactly like what I want for my children, eh? 

So where is the balance?  How do you achieve moderation?  Especially when we adults are spending so much of OUR time checking our emails, surfing the net, watching TV, etc.  Are we leading by (bad) example?

I know some parents who have tried to set limits for their kids, saying no video games during the week.  But I wonder, does this make them want it even MORE when the weekend rolls around?

I ask because I struggle with this myself.  I know limits are required for my children, but this Zen Mama Wannabe is not clear on what those limits should be. 

Recently, I was overjoyed to notice my son going out to the backyard EVERY day to use his baseball pitch back.  Sometimes even more than once a day!  Being outside, getting exercise and fresh air – what could be better?!  The daily requests to use his baseball video game practically vanished; I confess I was thrilled.  Then 2 days ago I discovered what this is really about; a part broke off his video game a while ago so it hasn’t been working properly.  Dad (the hero) fixed it last night.  I wonder if the pitch back will go back to being just a huge eyesore item gathering dirt and dust?

Finally, one interesting tidbit I ran across: Bill Gates limits his 10-year old daughter’s screen time.  45 minutes a day, plus use of the computer for homework. Hmm – one of the smartest minds in America, a man who knows computers inside and out, says less than one hour a day for his kids.  Something to think about – what do you say?

Do WE really need a Wii??

My in-laws called us today from Costco.  They were out shopping and just happened to see a really good deal on the Nintendo Wii.  They generously asked about contributing to it for a Christmas gift for the kids, and since apparently the Wii is flying out of the stores, wondered if they should get it right now.  You make the call – what do you say?

Two things you should know:  my poor deprived children are some of the few in our neck of the woods that DON’T have a Wii and two, I have a love-hate (mostly hate) relationship with all this screen time stuff (video games, computer games, etc). 

I already know my son thinks hopes Santa will be bringing him one this year, and the way I’ve been looking at it, I have 5 months to gently help him understand that it is much too big a gift for Santa to bring (even though 3 of his friends got them from Santa last holiday season). 

I know – there is Wii Fit with aerobics, personal training and yoga and this Zen Mama Wannabe would probably love it all.  But if (and it is a small *if* these days) I get a chance to do yoga, I want to go to a peaceful yoga studio, not position myself in front of the TV.  It’s nothing personal, Wii people; I don’t like yoga DVDs for the same reason.  I’m an “all about the experience” type of gal.

I can tell my husband and I are on different sides of the yoga mat on this one.  “I don’t know, I think it’s still about limits – you just have to limit their time on it,” he tells me as if this will be the convincing argument that makes me suddenly go over to the Dark Side.  But I have ENOUGH to limit as it is.

For the record, our son is not lacking in this department (although he might try to tell you otherwise).  He has Guitar Hero, just like the one for the Wii but you play it on our Mac.  He has this cool baseball video game, similar to the one of the Wii except you play it on our TV instead.  It’s got a bat you swing (a better bat than the Wii) and a ball you pitch (the Wii doesn’t have that – ha!) and from what I can tell it’s pretty cool, it’s just that on the Wii you can make up names for your players and how fun is that?  (Ok – apparently to a 7 year old that part is pretty fun).  He also has 2 more computer games: a Lego Star Wars video game and Rollercoaster Tycoon (one that I actually approve of).   I don’t know….sounds like a lot to me.  You’re really gonna convince me that we need a Wii too??