Zen Mama Wannabe

If the Shoe Fits

I sent my husband out this weekend on the simple task of getting new sneakers for my son.  Many hours and about 10 phone calls later, he came home with the most expensive pair of boys’ shoes we have ever purchased. 

My son has basically one pair of shoes. Except for his Crocks that haven’t seen much wear since last summer, the soccer cleats that got used ever so briefly last fall during the 8-week soccer season, and last year’s baseball cleats that he can now barely get his feet into.  So for all intents and purposes, he has just one pair of shoes.  He wears these shoes to school every day (rain or shine).  He wears them to church (when we go).  These blue and gray Nike sneakers are his all-purpose shoes.  They are his casual shoes, his dress-up shoes, his hiking shoes…you get the idea. 

I have decided that is just wrong.  I think the kid needs more than one pair of shoes.  He of course could care less.  He doesn’t care how many pairs of shoes he has, or what the brand name is on them – really all he notices is if they need to be tied or not (too many years of Velcro bands has made the actual act of trying shoelaces one that still needs to be perfected). 

I love the fact he doesn’t care.  I love the fact he is happy with whatever he has.  I hear the stories of kids that pester their parents for this kind or that brand.  I know of parents paying outrageous amounts of money for a pair of sneakers for their child – especially when their feet are still growing and who knows how long they will fit into them.  But that’s never been my concern – because my son isn’t like that. 

In fact, life would have gone on for us as usual, except that he needed new baseball cleats.  And in the process of getting measured for those, we found out his foot had grown (always shocking when this happens, isn’t it?)  It’s a half-size bigger than the sneakers he’s been cramming his feet into wearing day in and day out.  Finally we clued in – maybe it’s time for new shoes. 

You might live in a place where you can just run to the mall, pick out a new pair and be done with it.  Not us.  My husband started off at the small, local running shoe store in our town.  They offer exceptional customer service, but not a large kids selection and their shoes were pricey.  So after a while, they left there and drove to a nearby town to go to the popular sporting good store.  Being a chain store, they offered better prices, but their selection had been wiped out and there was nothing there in my son’s size to choose from.  They suggested another sporting goods store at the mall – which turns out is no longer there (naturally).  But by now they have driven over to the mall – to find only one kids’ shoe store: Nordstrom.  Decent selection, very high priced. 

This is where the phone calls started coming more frequently.  They have now spent a good portion of the afternoon chasing down the elusive sneaker.  The less expensive ones at Nordstrom slip on his heel.  The pair that doesn't (the gray ones with the red lighting bolts all over them) are of course the most expensive of the batch.  Do you just take them, pay a fortune, and call it a day?  Or instead, do you leave, principles intact, without accomplishing your mission?  (We all know nothing gets to a guy more.  Hours spent running around and then nothing to show for it. )

Somewhere out there are decent shoes that are half the price of what they came home with.  But is it worth the gas, or time, or frustration of running around trying to hunt them down? 

My guy is content with his new shoes – just like he was content with the old ones.  But we’re still at just having the one pair!  And this one pair cost more than any pair of sneakers my husband has ever bought!  How can you feel good about that?

Of course, I’m too exhausted just from hearing about their escapades to even think of trying to search for an additional alternate (something just a wee bit nicer than a tennis shoe).  So for now, it will just be this one pair of shoes – just like it was before.  I suppose we don’t get dressed up that much anyway. 

Still, this Zen Mama Wannabe couldn’t help giving my husband a bit of a fright by telling him our daughter also had outgrown most of her shoes too.  “You will be able to take her out next weekend to look for a pair or two?” I asked him ever so innocently.  The look on his face told me it wouldn’t be happening any time soon. Probably just as well. 

Guess it’s my turn to step up and put my money where my mouth is.  Hopefully it won’t take a day of driving all around town to accomplish it.  I mean, who knew it took this much (literally) to make the shoe fit!

The New Black

It has been quite a week.  Take a dose of reality, stir in a little fear and panic, sprinkle a generous amount of stress on top and there you have it.  Sadly this time, I am not speaking about the nation’s economic woes, but rather my own personal ones.  And after the bitter pill left for us to swallow, we ended up with only one conclusion:  it’s time to downsize. 

For us, this means moving out of a house we love (L-O-V-E) and into a more affordable (i.e. smaller) place.  For us, this means spending a substantial amount LESS each month on rent.  This “savings” will help tremendously right now and it is the right decision to make.  It should have been made sooner perhaps, but that is neither here nor there.  All we can do is look forward. 

We were fortunate to sell our house in Southern California when we did (June of 2007 – right before real estate really started sinking).  We were smart to not immediately buy another house up here, but rather to wait and see for a while.  Wait and see what the housing market was going to do (continue to go down – good news for potential buyers like us).  Wait and see if we REALLY liked it up here (we do!) and if we had picked the right town (we feel we have).

The unfortunate part was a couple of things (some factors out of our control, like the stock market plummet and the credit crunch) that have led us to look (again) really closely at our finances.  Decisions that seemed okay before, now (in the light of the whole economic downturn) seem irresponsible and we need to fix that.  We want to get our ducks in a row so that we can buy the house we want in a couple years and start up those college funds for the kids again, etc.  A move seems to be the answer for us right now, but of course it couldn’t be as simple as that – because nothing ever is, at least not for this Zen Mama Wannabe. 

It means finding someone to rent our big, lovely house (so we can get out of our lease) and then of course it means finding another place to move – one that is affordable and will work for us and our kids and oh yes, the dog  (nothing like trying to find a place to live when you have a big dog)!  It is like all these little things have to line up in order to make this happen and it is really enough to put an already stressful situation over the top! 

But, besides the stress, which is overwhelming, I gotta tell you that I like (I actually do) the idea of downsizing.  Of cleaning out, getting rid of, scaling down.  Of having less and dealing with less.  You know, the whole Less is More.  As a friend told me, “We spend so much time dealing with all our stuff – cleaning it, organizing it, taking care of it – that we miss out on other opportunities, like just hanging out and being together as a family.”  Have truer words ever been spoken??

So we have started going through our stuff.  And you know what?  We have a ton of crap stuff.  Stuff we have accumulated over the years.  Stuff we have spent a lot of money on (so THAT is where it all went).  Stuff that is just taking up room and cluttering up our current house (and probably wouldn't even fit in a smaller one)!  If nothing else, talk about bad Feng Shui. 

So the good news is we are changing that.  Starting this past week.  One overstuffed closet at a time.  But you know, we don’t feel bad or sad or anything like that.  We feel good.  It feels good to clean out.  As I told the kids as I tried to explain why we were doing this without completely freaking them out, “We have 3 couches in our house – one on each floor!  Who needs 3 couches?  That’s insane!  I think if we scaled down to 1 couch, maybe 2, we’d be just fine.  But 3 couches – isn’t that a bit much?” 

Yeah, scaling down.  Downsizing.  I hear it’s the new black this year.  Just wait and see.

A Must Read for 2009

Have you heard about what is happening in our economy lately?  Have you heard the recent predictions from the leading economic and financial experts?  Are you aware the mortgage and housing crisis is due to get worse?  Do you know the HUGE storm lurking on our horizon is with credit cards and it is already starting to hit?  Unemployment numbers are due to RISE for at least the next two years.  The downturn is predicted to continue through 2009 AND 2010.  No turn-around is anticipated anytime in the near future!  None of the many experts dispute any of this. 

2009 needs to be the year of living consciously.  I don't know your situation, but to think that you will not be affected in some way is foolish.  So what can you do?  Stay awake - aware - conscious.  Don't hide your head or live in denial that you will be untouched.  Be proactive.  Get as much as information as you can so you can make informed, intelligent decisions. 

Suze Orman has a new book out - written just for this year (2009) - because this year will be unlike any other we have experienced.  Why do you need this book?  Because I think at least ONE of the chapter topics will be of interest to you and your situation.  Whether it is spending, saving, real estate, credit, retirement investing, paying for college, or just protecting yourself and your future, there just might be some useful information for you.  Worse case you read it (it is a very easy read) and say, "I know ALL this; I am already doing ALL of this."  Then, if that is the case, you can sincerely congratulate yourself for you are truly taking care of your financial future (and freedom). 

For the rest of us though, there is always room for improvement.  If you gain even just a couple tips that can help your financial situation, isn't it worth it?  Oh yeah, and here is the best part:  you can get this book FOR FREE.  Now what have you got to lose? 

For 1 week, it is available for FREE, as a download, on Oprah.com.  Click on this link, choose whether you want English or Spanish, and download it at no cost right away.  Want the actual book?  Head over to your local bookstore and purchase it.  But how can you beat FREE? 

This Zen Mama Wannabe believes you need to get helpful information from every source you can.  Information is power.  Maybe you make some changes, maybe you don't.  But don't for one second think it is not happening, or not about to get worse, or that it won't in some way (or can't) happen to you.  Make this the year of living consciously. 

It goes without saying that I get nothing for making this recommendation (because obviously, the book is already FREE).  I just thought it was too good of an opportunity to pass up and wanted everybody to know! 

In Need of a Little Good News

So it is official -- we are in a recession.  As if we common folk were not able to read the signs over the past months ourselves, today the announcement from the National Bureau of Economic Research made it official.  And most economists predict this current downturn will be the most severe since the 1981-82 recession.  Sounds just like it looks outside my window today:  dark gray and gloomy. 

This news doesn’t depress me because it really doesn’t feel like “news.”  They say we have been in this recession since December of 2007.  Certainly the telltale signs have been making themselves known since that time.  What does depress me is another sign of the greedy and gluttony in America.  More specifically, I mean the man who was trampled to death at the Wal-Mart in New York on Black Friday. Even with the weekend to process it, this Zen Mama Wannabe still can’t get my head around what happened. 

We are so eager for a deal that we will wake up in the dark to stand in line for hours outside a storefront?  We are so excited for a sale that we will push and shove our way in through the doors once they open, with no regard for even a semblance of order or control?  We will trounce on top of human bodies and not stop for a second (not even for just one second) just to save some money on a TV?  What is wrong with this picture?!

Some people are saying this economic "downturn" (a polite way to say "crisis" if you ask me) is really a good thing because it is going to teach us about saving and controlling our spending, etc.  Well, apparently we need it more than ever.  Because we are trampling people to DEATH all over a markdown tag.  It makes me ill inside.

Today I hung up some wreaths and started unpacking boxes of Christmas decorations.  I do love this season, the kids are SO excited (about everything – it really is very joyous), but my heart feels a bit heavy nonetheless.  On top of the horrific attacks in Mumbai, we have innocent people being trampled right here in our country while others push their way in to shop for bargains. 

A woman who was there at that Wal-Mart that morning said it was the most terrifying thing she has ever experienced.  She too was knocked down by the crowd as she helped a little boy who was already on the ground.  She said in an interview that she immediately started fearing for her life.  All for some price cuts.  I doubt she would say it was worth it now.  

The man who was trampled to death, by the way, was 6 feet 5 and 270 pounds.  The Police Commissioner said shoppers would have had to step over, around or ON the victim to get inside the store.   Really paints the picture, doesn’t it?

It would seem we are in many ways VERY out of touch.  Maybe as 2008 winds down and a new year begins, we as a country will start to “get it.”  I hope so.  For all our sakes. 

Money for Chores?

Do your kids do certain jobs around the house (ok – yes, I am talking about the “c” word – CHORES) without getting paid for them?  Do you feel there are some things your children should just contribute (another “c” word) to the family or the household without having a carrot of some sort waved in front of them? 

I am feeling it is time to set up SOME sort of allowance system.  I previously wrote about financial expert Suze Orman’s opinion on allowances.  Her way is a bit “out of the box” but very interesting – and certainly makes some sense. 

A lot of parents I know tie allowances into chores – you do your chores, you get your allowance each week.  But most money experts say DON’T DO IT.  As Jean Chatzky, financial editor of the Today show and daily radio host on Oprah & Friends, said when asked if you should tie the allowance to good grades or doing chores:

"My feeling is no for two reasons. One, I believe it's the child's responsibility to do his or her best in school and to help around the house. School is their job just like work or running a household (or both) is yours. And two, if you make one contingent on the other, you're taking the chance that your child will choose to forego the cash in favor of not emptying the dishwasher or walking the dog. And you want them to have the money so that they'll learn how to manage it."

Whether you go along with Suze Orman’s method or as Jean Chatzky suggested, most agree there are things kids should do around the house (chores) just because.  And today, as a first step in this whole process, that is what I am thinking about.  What are good “jobs” or tasks for my kids to do that are not tied into any financial compensation?  Things like setting the table, picking up their dirty clothes or feeding the dog.  My kids do help out currently, but it is always when asked and not on a regular, consistent basis.  Time, I think, for that to change.

Do most parents have a list of chores their child must do?  Is it formally stated on a Chores Chart – or is that just for anal, wannabe organizers like me?  I can see where that would be helpful in showing your child what needs to be done, so that you don’t have to nag remind them constantly.  Or, does managing a chart just become one more thing for the parent to keep track of? (one of my greatest fears!)

For people like me with more than one child, do you switch some things off every other day?  You know, today is Johnny’s day to set the table, tomorrow is Mary’s, etc?  Or again, does that make it too complicated to keep track of?  I can see already the fights we could have…“But Mom, I did it yesterday – it’s her turn!”  Maybe a weekly system would be better.  One week one child sets the table and the other clears it; the next week it switches.  

It already sounds confusing and I haven't even started yet! But what I do know is having our kids be responsible for things is important.  This Zen Mama Wannabe truly believes that the more kids are able to take on as contributing members of a family, the more this will help them as adults become active contributors to our society at large.  Ah yes, teamwork.  Learning how to work hard and pitch in for the greater good.  These are qualities that must be taught.  So, I'm on board - chores it is.  I just need to set it up so that doing chores does not backfire and become a CHORE for me!

Where is the Parenting Manual for times like this?!

Ever been at a crowded department store on the weekend, heard a loud CRASH, and then realized it was YOUR child that broke the thing now in tiny pieces all over the floor? 

We were heading out of the Housewares Department after standing in a long line to buy a much-needed griddle when my son spots the tiny snow globe ornaments personalized with names on them.  Hundreds of names listed on this turnstile display (except his – still a little too unique, or his sister’s – still so popular it is always sold-out) but all of sudden he calls out, “Mom, Mom – I found it!”  It was his teacher’s first name and he said he wanted to get it for her as a gift. 

So sweet to be thinking of her - and not himself, so nice to want to get a little something for her out of the blue….what a nice “give.”  The whole ornament (snow globe and base) is about 2 inches tall – I mean it is a TINY little thing…BUT…it sure was a nice thought (and I want to encourage that).  So, I look around for the price.  By the time we figure out that this little speck of a thing cost $5, he is more convinced than ever that THIS is what he needs to get for her. 

I’m thinking $5 could get her a Starbucks gift card that she’d probably enjoy a whole lot more.  Or the $5 could be added on to a Barnes and Noble gift certificate that she could really use.  But this is what HE wants to do…and I don’t want to pooh pooh his thoughtfulness.  But now the line is REALLY long, and to wait in a long line for this cheesy little thing that doesn’t seem worth even $2  -- well, it’s a tough call. 

But off to the back of the line we go.  He is very excited about it, but I continue to feel torn.  By the time we get to the front of the line, I am still second-guessing my decision (we could be getting in the car by now).  Then, CRASH!  He was being a little careless and he drops it.  The snow globe breaks into a million little pieces, sending shattered glass and liquid everywhere (quite amazing so much came out of something so small).  I let out an involuntary gasp (a little louder than I realize) and between that and the crash, everyone at the counters turns around and stares at us. 

My son looks shocked and I see a wave of emotions cross his face.  He knows he messed up, but his way to fix it is to run back over to the display to see if there is another one.  As I bend down to pick up some of the bigger pieces, a sales lady comes over with paper towels to help me.  Apparently noticing that I’m none too happy about the whole thing, she tells me not to worry, she’ll put it down as “damaged.” 

He’s back – with relief all over his face, “Look, Mom!  They had one more left with her name on it!  We can still get it.”  If I was torn before, I am completely conflicted now.  It was one of those moments I wished someone would just freeze-frame the scene and tell me what to do.  

I don’t know why I am so mad – but I am.  Am I frustrated at his carelessness, which seems to be happening more and more lately?  Am I upset because there doesn’t seem to be any responsibility taken at breaking it?  Do most kids just think, oh no big deal, I’ll just get another one???!  That everything is replaceable – that money comes from an endless supply?  That type of thinking is one example of why our economy is so messed up today.  Then again, he is only 7.  Am I punishing him for the sins of grown-ups (ones who really should know better)? 

Before all this happened in our economy recently, I never would have thought twice about buying the stupid little ornament.  You and I know it’s not the cost of it per ce.  It is what it represents (spending $5 here and $5 there – on silly little things).  I am trying to be more aware, more conscious in my spending.  So for me, this whole scene has a much bigger meaning.  But is that entirely fair to him?

I am thinking the right thing to do is to pay for BOTH snow globes (the one he broke and the one we are taking) but to spend $10 on this little thing is just too much for me to bear!  If I was hard-core, I would make him pay for both of them – but he doesn’t have that kind of money in his piggy bank (which makes me feel like maybe we shouldn’t have been in line in the first place!)

So I tell him he will need to pay for one of them.  Since we haven’t worked out an allowance system yet, I tell him he can earn the money by doing jobs for me around the house, or with some of his Tooth Fairy money.  He is agreeable to that, and the look on his face when he got home and proudly showed his Dad what he was going to give his teacher was priceless.  I guess you could say it all worked out.

But this Zen Mama Wannabe still thinks about what happened in the store and how bothered I was over it. What was the “right” way to handle it? (I like to be prepared if - God forbid - it should happen again.  After all, we still have a lot of growing up years in front of us.)  Was I overreacting – just having one of those hormonal days?  Was there an opportunity there for one of those teachable moments – and did I blow it?   I wanted to make sure he got the lesson – but now I wonder if really the lesson there was for me??

Charging up for the Holidays

Christmas is coming -- the goose is getting fat
Won’t you please put a penny in the old man’s hat?
If you haven’t got a penny…just charge it like you do
No room on your charge card?  God bless you.
 

Just a little wannabe humor for something really not so funny at all.  The holidays are quickly approaching and the majority of Americans do all their shopping using their credit cards.  So what is happening in the credit card sector right now is concerning, to put it mildly. The predictions are that this will be the next big thing to hit Main Street. Even consumers who pay their bills on time and currently have high credit scores are being affected! No one can afford not to take notice.

The New York Times is likening it to the mortgage crisis, saying, “Now comes the credit card crisis.”  There is more and more talk among financial experts that even creditworthy consumers are and will be affected by tactics the credit card lenders say they are being forced to do in this sinking economy.  This entails:

• Cutting credit limits for existing cardholders (even for “good” responsible cardholders)
• Raising existing interest rates on carry-over balances  (again, even for those considered highly creditworthy)
• Lessening the amount of credit card offers being sent out
• Reducing the amount of time for those zero-balance promotional offers
  

Here are some other facts you should be aware of.  Without warning, credit card companies are changing payment due dates – which can sometimes go unnoticed if you use a Bill Pay system each month, like we do.  All it takes is missing the due date by a day and POOF – your interest rate can skyrocket, any promotional rate you might have had is gone, and your credit score is dinged.

When credit card companies reducing your credit limit (another thing that might go unnoticed – because after all, they have been arbitrarily raising your limit over the years since you’ve been such a good customer and it is not like you use it all anyway) it can actually LOWER your overall credit score.  That’s right – through nothing you have done, your credit score can be negatively affected just because the lender decided to lower your limit. 

Are you like this Zen Mama Wannabe wanting to know what you can do to protect yourself?  Most importantly, pay close attention to your credit card statements when they arrive each month.  Diligently check the due date, the interest rate, and look for any “hidden” charges that might be getting tacked on.  Another way lenders protected themselves in the past was to raise fees charged when your payment is even that one day late, or when you charge over your limit not realizing your limit has been dropped down considerably.    Ensure that your payments are not late (THEY CANNOT BE LATE!) and that you do not charge over your existing credit line (and be aware that number may not be the number you thought it was several months ago). 

Is it time to go back to using paper – not plastic – when making purchases?   I have a friend who is trying to use only cash for all purchases for the entire month.  Only 8 days into it and she says she is already having a hard time.   Personally, I can’t even imagine doing that – but then, that sure says a lot about the situation we are in today. 

But typical monthly spending aside, when the holidays come around it always seems to change the rules.  For most people it is a time of spending and giving and buying – and I’m not just talking about gift buying; stocking up the pantry and entertaining those holiday guests adds up too.

We all have different budgets and different spending abilities.  But whether you live on Baltic Avenue or Park Place, your ability to CHARGE IT like you have done in the past could very possibly be affected by the recent economic downturn.  Right now, it is more important than ever to really be conscious and aware of the purchases you make (and keep a careful eye on your statements too).  Who knows – maybe it just might simplify the holidays a bit, if only out of necessity.  And that can’t be such a bad thing, can it?

Kids and Money: How to Structure an Allowance

Do your kids get an allowance?  If so, how did you set it up and what – if anything – is it tied into?  Do you find it is working for you or are you still having to play ATM more often than not?  And do you feel like you are setting your children up for financial success in the future?

Undoubtedly, you have heard what this Zen Mama Wannabe has heard from the money experts in regards to giving children an allowance.  Most experts say it should NOT be tied into chores, that children should do jobs around the house because they are members of your family – not because you pay them to.  Because, as they point out, what happens when they decided it is not worth it to them?  That they would rather NOT feed the dog or take out the trash this week?  Oops – now you have got a bit of a problem.  Better for them to just get a set sum of money each week so that they can start learning how to manage and save. 

But last night on TV I heard a leading money expert give an alternative view for allowances that was rather though-provoking.  She said she went around and interviewed kids on why they received an allowance and the answers were like, “Oh, because I was born.” or “I get one because my brother Ben gets one.”  Talk about a sense of entitlement.    Should you get paid a certain amount each week simple because you exist here on Earth?  Really?  How can I sign up for that plan??!

Instead, financial guru Suze Orman said money needs to be earned.  She based her advice to one mother on the national minimum wage, which is $6.50 per hour.  That breaks down to around 10 cents per minute.  So if you were thinking of paying your child $20 per month (for example) that translates into about 4 hours of work around the house per month, or 1 hour a week, etc. 

She said parents and children should sit down together and come up with a list of jobs that kids will be paid for.  Those jobs should be whatever the parent decides would make their life easier.  Could it be a routine task like making their bed and keeping their room clean?  Sure – if that is something that helps YOU as the parent.  If you think that should be done anyway (money or no money) then don’t put it on the list.  Create the list on what works for you and your household, and what contributes in some way to making YOUR life a bit easier. 

Here is where the good money lessons come in.  If they are doing a fabulous job keeping their room clean, cleaning up the dog poop, and sweeping the front steps and walkway, then maybe you might want to consider giving them a raise.  If they are doing a lousy job, they might get a decrease in salary.  The lesson, Ms. Orman says, for them to understand is this:  “Good work equals good pay equals job promotion.  Bad work equals getting fired.”  After all, isn’t that how the real world works?  What a powerful lesson to teach kids before they even go out and get “real” jobs! 

Perhaps you have your basic list of chores you feel your kids need to do around the house as members of the household.  They do them because they are part of the family and everyone in a family needs to pitch in a bit.  But then there is the list of jobs they can do – at 10 cents a minute – to earn money to buy those extra things they want.  The things that you are not going to be buying them because as parents we understand what a horrible situation we are creating when we just BUY BUY BUY for our kids.  Truly, we must understand we are not doing them any favors.

Oh, you say, 10 cent a minute would never work – they wouldn’t make enough money to buy the things they want.  Well, you could pay them more per hour (it is your house, your family, your rules) but you might want to take a moment to consider this:  the minimum wage is $6.50 an hour.  As a teenager going off to get a job, what is your child going to do to earn MORE than the minimum wage??  The smoothie store, the coffee shop, the hip clothing boutique, swim lessons at the community pool…..those are the typical jobs for teenagers and the salaries for those positions are all about the same – minimum wage.  What would their incentive be to get a job if they get MORE money from you?  How are you preparing them for life after school, or even life during school (college is getting more and more expensive, and many families are finding it necessary for their kids to help supplement – at least with spending money).  Yet how or why would your kids do that if they have always gotten juicy handouts from you?

With these tough times in our nation’s economy, we have an opportunity to do things differently with this next generation of kids growing up.  We can use these happenings as a chance to talk about money, living within your means, and actually saving up for something and having the money in hand when you walk in the store to buy it.  Shocking concept for many.  Kids are walking around today with cell phones and iPods, wearing True Religion jeans and carrying designer handbags.  Parents think their kids need to have at least what the other kids have (and certainly more than what THEY had growing up).  But how would they know that their daughter’s best friend’s parents are maxed out on their credit cards, behind in their mortgage payments, and under huge financial strains because they have been living beyond their means?  They just know Lucy has the new iTouch and $200 tickets to the Jonas Brothers concert so that means their daughter needs to have them too.  And we wonder why our country is in such a financial mess?

In our household, we do not do allowances – yet.  We thought about it – because my son’s friends were doing it (gotta keep up with the Jones, right?) but we never put anything in place.  I needed it to be set-up in a way that made sense – $1 for every year of age reeks of that entitlement issues I am trying hard to avoid.  Another reason why I think Suze Orman’s way sounds intriguing. 

My husband remembers vividly at age 13 wanting a new stereo. He researched and analyzed (as only he can do) until he figured out exactly what he wanted and how much it would be ($300)!  His parents told him for every dollar he put in, they would match it.  He worked hard doing extra chores and cleaning neighborhood houses until he finally earned his share of the money.  His father thought he was crazy for spending that much money on a stereo – but it was a purchase that was well thought out and one he worked very hard for.  His parents could have just given him the stereo – but in listening to him tell the story, after all these years, I could hear the pride in his voice for how hard he worked.  It meant something to him - something just being given a gift could not.   Talk about valuable lessons learned!  And after all, isn’t that what we are after with our own kids today? 

Are Economic Woes a Family Matter?

Do your kids know about the economic woes of our country – and are they aware of how it affects you – or them – in the daily lives you lead?

What is happening in our economy right now is beyond belief.  The biggest bank failure in our nation’s history, warnings of an “economic catastrophe,” and the “worst economic downturn since the Great Depression” lead the daily headlines.  Everyone is predicting it will get worse before it gets better.  So how does all this affect you? 

This Zen Mama Wannabe wishes I could peek into people’s houses on the talked about Main Street and listen in on the kitchen table conversations.  Does this downturn just mean a dip in your 401K plan, but retirement is years away so no real worries, you will just ride it out?  Does that mean you probably won’t be taking that vacation to the Caribbean next year and will have to make due with local weekend excursions here and there?  Or does it mean you are upside-down on what you owe on your house, last month’s mortgage payment was late and you are not really sure you can afford new tires for the truck AND starting your son in braces and are trying to decide which takes precedence?

What do your kids know about these current events?  Obviously it depends on their ages, but are they at all aware of what is happening in the country – and maybe in your home?  Is it wise to share this information with them?  Or would it cause them to worry about things they ultimately have no control over?  But then what do you say to them when they plead at you for the latest Disco Dance Revolution game or private guitar lessons?   

A friend of mine chose to remain silent when she and her husband were short on their bills last month and needed to take out more debt on their credit card just to cover the basics.  This meant not making the requested “donation” to her 11-year old daughter’s school during the main fundraising drive.  The donor names were all published and some other child said something to her daughter about not being on it.  Her daughter was embarrassed and became mad at her mom, who after this whole thing blew up into a big mess, went and made the donation - on her nearly maxed-out credit card.

I feel my friend’s pain, and asked her if she could have done it over, what would she have done?  She said she should have just made the donation when asked (on the overused credit card) and spared her daughter the humiliation.  What would you have done?  This Zen Mama Wannabe has mixed feelings, but I just cannot help but wonder if there were some teachable moments there that got passed-by?  Is 11 years old too young to understand a family’s financial struggles?  Should children be privy to any of that information – at any age? 

“We’re not rich,” my son told me.  Oh really?  Why do you say that?  “Because we don’t have a Wii.  A Wii costs like $300 – if you have that, you are rich!”  Hmmm. 

I am perfectly okay with him thinking that, except I get a little concerned with what gets said at school.  It amazes and terrifies me what get talks about among kids and I know I hear only the very smallest amount. 

“I don’t like George Bush,” my son announced at the end of the last school year.  “He is against the environment.”  Why do you think that, Buddy? “Oh, he cuts down lots of trees.  That is bad for the environment.” I see – and who told you that? He names the child that did, and it all becomes clear.  A child hears something from his parents (or possibly another friend or from the TV, etc.), takes one or two lines of it - sometimes completely out of context - and then passes it around.  It is like that game of Telephone, where you say something to one person, and then they pass it on to the next, and by the time you end up, you usually never have what you started with.  Only here no one thinks they are playing a game.  These are "facts" they are sharing, and when it comes to personal info, it can be a little disconcerting.   

I think back to my own childhood.  My mom tells the story of right around the time I was born, my self-employed father lost his 2 biggest accounts.  Talk about tough times – and with a new baby to boot.  But because my parents knew how to stretch a dollar (and a casserole dinner) I never perceived lack.  I felt I was lucky to have my mom and my grandma sew dresses for me – and my dolls and Barbies as well. I grew up thinking a dinner at McDonalds was a big treat, for we hardly ever went out to eat.  My play-pretend kitchen was made out of orange crates, with some wood fastened on for the oven door.  I loved it.  I was devastated when I didn’t get the Barbie Townhouse I wanted so badly one Christmas.  But the thought that perhaps my parents couldn’t afford it – or that they thought it was an unnecessary, overpriced item I didn’t “need”  - never crossed my mind. 

Of course times are a bit different now.  Things are much more commercialized; people (and therefore kids) seem much more materialistic.  It is a fast-paced, high-tech world and it comes at a cost.  But what is the message we are sending our children?  Should they know that times are tough financially – or should they be insulated from it all?  Are there some teaching moments for them in this mess, or are the lessons really just ours to learn? 

Are You Feeling Rich or Feeling Poor?

Are you feeling rich today - or feeling poor?   That was the question my husband asked my mother as she tried to decide whether or not to replace her huge monster of a TV with a slim LCD one that can hang out of the way on the wall.  Her studio apartment at the retirement home is only so big, and her current 10-year-old television set looms out into the room like a big black eyesore.  She hates it and keeps contemplating getting one of these newfangled ones, but of course there is that one little thing holding her back:  the price tag. 

Ah yes, the price tag.  That tiny rectangle with SKU lines all over it that keeps us from snatching up all that we desire.  There is in all of us that invisible number, set at our comfort level, that tells us whether or not the item we want is coming home with us; deal or no deal – is the price right?

In her case, the TV set we think she should get is around $700.  That number is above her invisible comfort number, and so we wait.  Wait until she REALLY REALLY wants it, and not just kinda wants it or thinks it would be nice.  Wait until she feels she can afford it.  Just like my husband said:  are you feeling rich or feeling poor? 

The truth of the matter is that she CAN afford it.  She could go out and get it today, and be done with it (and then we would be done hearing about it, which has its pluses too).  But perhaps the reason she can afford it is that she isn’t like that.  She doesn’t just go out and get things like the rest of us.  She is part of the Greatest Generation:  the ones that lived through the Great Depression, the ones that learned the value of a dollar and how to get by on less - not more. 

She doesn’t feel ENTITLED to the new TV like the generations of today, the “I have worked hard for my money and I’m gonna spend it however I want to” frame of mind, even if that means putting it on VISA and making just over the minimum payment for the next few years.  Of course she wouldn’t be making payments; she would write a check for the whole purchase and that would be that.  Her quality of life would become better.  She’d probably turn the darn thing on again and watch those PBS shows she used to enjoy so much.  At the very least she wouldn’t have the ugly eyesore over-sized box lunging out at her every day as she adjusts to living in her smaller space.   

Isn’t it all such a state of mind?  I have felt rich on occasion, as though I could freely be generous in my gift giving to friends, family, kids’ teachers, etc. or buy that thing at the mall that would be so nice to have but certainly not a NEEDED item.  Conversely, I have felt poor, having to analyze every purchase and each request for money (chip in for this class gift, contribute to that much-needed school program the state no longer provides, get birthday presents for kids we barely know, etc).  I HATE that feeling of questioning everything and usually end up feeling worse.  Let’s face it, it’s so roses and cherry blossoms to give.  The hard part is when you can’t.  Or feel like you can’t. 

But this Zen Mama Wannabe wonders if the actual money in our bank account has changed that much, or if it is more about that feeling my husband was alluding to.  Perhaps it isn’t the money so much but how we FEEL about it. 

Can’t people feel rich with hardly anything – or poor when they arguably have so much??

     *     *     *     *     *

(Reminds me of a great song by India.Arie - here's a few lines of it - if it's not on your iPod, it should be!)

"...He had no windows and no doors
He lived a simple life and was extremely poor
On top of all of that he had no eye sight,
but that didn't keep him from seein' the light
He said, what's it like in the USA,
and all I did was complain
He said living here is Paradise
He taught me paradise in in your mind
You know that

There's Hope
It doesn't cost a thing to smile
You don't have to pay to laugh
You better thank God for that..."

- Lyrics from "There's Hope" by India.Arie