Zen Mama Wannabe

Getting Back in the Saddle - Again

It has happened to all of us at one time or another.  We’ve been working hard on doing something on a regular basis, sticking with it, making it part of our routine – and then WHAM! – “It” happens (whatever “it” is that throws us off course) and suddenly we find ourselves back at square one.  Having to start all over - again.  AGH!  It is enough to make you want to give up right then and there.  So, what do you do?  When it has happened to you, how did you (or did you) get back up in the saddle again?

We usually think of this happening with exercise plans or diets we start, but it is really true with ANY goal we are working toward.  We work so hard at following the plan (1,200 calories a day; 5 work outs a week; whatever it is).  Perhaps we even start seeing some results.  We are feeling motivated.  Things are looking good.  We are on track.  No sooner do we think that then Life gets involved.  Perhaps to test our resolve.  Perhaps to see how we handle a curve ball or two.  Perhaps just because that is how Life goes for the majority of us. 

Usually something happens.  Company or clients are in town -- meaning bigger, heavier dinners and more food around than you normally would have.  A sudden overload of meetings you have to attend that cut into your normal workout time – and your day is such that that was the only substantial “free” block of time you had.  One meal blown or workout missed is no big deal.  But have this happen a couple times in a row and you start finding your momentum is gone too. 

If we can catch it there, and jump back in the saddle right at that moment, we can usually salvage it.  But so many of us get discouraged.  The number of the scale is now higher than before.  The gym no longer feels like the place you want to go when the alarm clock goes off.  The spinning class that used to kick your butt when you were attending consistently, you now feel you wouldn’t survive for the even first 15 minutes.  It gets depressing.  You think to yourself, “I’ve already missed doing ______ for the last 5 days.  It’s not like one more little day is gonna matter.”  But it DOES matter.  We know that, really.  Yet 5 days turns into 6, then 7, and it just gets THAT much harder to get back on track. 

I’m going through this right now (and I’ve gone through it so many times in the past with so many different things that you would think I could write the book on it)!  This time for me it is with writing.  I have my goals of what I want to write and how much and how often – and I’ve lost my momentum.  I’ve fallen of the proverbial horse, and quite honestly can’t seem to even be able to FIND the dang thing to climb back up on.  Think it left me in the dust and is back at the stable now, munching on hay and carrots.  It is probably thinking, “When you’re serious about riding, come find me.  ‘Till then, I’ve got better things to do.”  (I hate having a lippy horse.) 

Well, one thing about a Zen Mama Wannabe is they do not give up.  I will make it back to the stable.  I will get back on that horse.  I will ride away into the sunset. (Hey maybe that is my problem….I like all my dreams to have happy endings).  But I wonder, when you are ready to try again, do you just GO FOR IT (you know, dive right in all gung-ho) or do you ease back into it with some baby steps?  I wonder what proves to be more effective?

Sometime I believe you just have to shake things up.  But sometimes ANYTHING (even just a little something) can be the catalyst to get you back in the groove.  Not following a diet word-for-word but just cutting out the glass of wine with dinner or the bowl of ice cream for dessert.  Not trying to do the 3.5-mile run each morning but just getting out and walking for 20 minutes a day.  Not cleaning out and reorganizing the entire garage, but just going out and working on it for 20 minutes at a time.  You start to make progress.  You start to (albeit slowly) see results.  You start to get motivated.  Don’t look now but you are starting to get your momentum back.  Of course getting and keeping are two different things – but hey, let’s take this one step at a time.  I’m still trying to get back to my horse!

Making a List - Checking it Twice

Want to learn more about my magic?  Last week, I mentioned a magic potion to combat fear, but this works all the time -- in the good times and the bad.  Any time.  Easy breezy to do – AND again, it works.  What are you waiting for?  Ready to give it a try?

Think of something you want.  A romantic partner, a new job, a new place to live (the possibilities are endless).  Write it down.  Then write down all the details.  What qualities does your ideal partner have?  What does this new job look like?  What would you need to be doing to have it be exactly the type of work you want?   Write down each thing.

Sometimes this is harder than you might think. So Michael Losier, author of the Law of Attraction, has a suggestion: first start by writing down all that you DON’T want.  What don’t you want in a job?  What don’t you want in a partner?  Sometimes it is easier to be clear on what we DON’T want than on what we do. 

Then take the list of all that you DON’T want, and turn each thing into what you ARE looking for.  If you wrote that you don’t want a job where you have to be in an office from 8-5 each day, then you might turn that around to say: I want a job where I have flexible hours and am in charge of my own schedule.  Just like that you have figured out what you do want.   And going forward, it is the positive side of your sheet you want to focus on. (Remember, you get what you think about). 

Way back in 1997, after a particularly disastrous relationship (as was sadly the one before that – just in different ways), I made a list of all that I wanted in a lifetime partner.  I wrote down 22 things, and put an asterisk next to 5 of them that were deal-breakers for me.  I pulled that list out again not too long ago and did a quick calculation:  I am married to a man that has 18 out of those 22 qualities/traits.  And of those big 5, he had (and still scores) a perfect 5 out of 5.  

It works. You have to know what you want. And be clear about it.  You have to put the request out there and be serious in your intent (and be aware that there is no room for shallow thinking).

I did this when we sold our house in LA and were in the process of moving up to Northern California.  After a particularly grueling house-hunting search, in which we found NOTHING, I felt defeated and depressed.  To combat that fear, I sat down and wrote out the things I really wanted in a house in the new town we were moving to.   I told myself if I could have the best-case scenario, what would it be?  Not fanciful, unrealistic stuff – but nevertheless I told myself to Dream Big.  There were certain things I would be really excited about having in our new home (or some that we absolutely had to have) – I listed them all. 

I won’t sugar coat it.  The process went down to the wire.  It was a high stress, Hail Mary situation.  For a while we thought we might end up in corporate housing – and even that didn’t seem like it would work (no vacancies at the inn)!  

But as it always happens, it worked out.  And later as I was unpacking boxes, I came across my list.  The house we were moving into had 10 out of the 11 things I had listed!  I am still just as astonished by that now as I was then!  These lists work!

So you would think, knowing what I know from my previous experience, that I would be writing these lists all the time.  Of course one would think that.  But I am a Wannabe, remember, struggling like everyone else (or maybe struggling more than everyone else  – it sure feels that way sometimes)! 

But what this Zen Mama Wannabe does know for sure is that these lists work, when made with the right intention. And I also know anyone can do them.  Male, female, young, old.  It only takes a pen and a piece of paper and a clear head.  Wanna see if it works for you?  Give it a try.  After all, you have nothing to lose and possibly much to gain! 

Michael Losier even has a worksheet you can print – for FREE – if you find it helps.  I decided I am saving my lists in a file folder – so I can easily refer back to them and check in with how I’m doing. I think you might be amazed at that which will come into your life if you only take the time to ask for it. 

Stick to the Facts

What are you dealing with today?  Now that the New Year has started, with all the good intentioned resolutions that go along with it, are you feeling unhappy that you are in a particular situation? Are you mad or disappointed with yourself – after all, you KNOW better.  So why can’t you DO better?

Before you set out to tackle whatever it is you want to tackle, this time around why don’t you try something new?  How about considering that you need to straighten out your thoughts first.  First, you need to see the situation clearly – and chances are (if you are at all like me) you’re not.  Because you’ve intertwined your “story” all over the facts.  

The primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation but your thoughts about it. Be aware of the thoughts you are thinking. Separate them from the situation, which is always neutral, which always is as it is. There is the situation or the fact, and here are my thoughts about it. Instead of making up stories, stay with the facts. For example, "I am ruined" is a story. It limits you and prevents you from taking effective action. "I have 50 cents left in my bank account" is a fact. Facing facts is always empowering.

From “A Happier You” by Eckhard Tolle
Exerpted from Oneness with All Life

I talk to my kids a lot about “fact” and “opinion.”  They come home from school spouting a lot of things they heard on the playground and we often have to work through them so that they see these pearls of wisdom are not true, necessarily – they are only other people’s opinions.  (Who knew kids had SO many opinions?!). 

The trouble starts when you begin to take these opinions and turn them into fact.  You believe it to be true and then it takes on a life of its own.  It took me a while to figure out why blueberries were suddenly being picked over, until I finally got the story:  if you eat too many blueberries, your teeth will turn blue – permanently.  And then you’ll have to go to the dentist and he will have to scrap down your teeth, which is really painful – and they still might be a little blue. (So obviously it makes sense to avoid blueberries now at all costs – at least it did to my 4 year old, and I can’t say I blame her – it was quite a compelling story she repeated back to me). 

Ok, so it seems simple to detect when kids do it, but what about when YOU do it? 

I never can stick to a diet.
I always run up credit card balances because I'm no good with money.
I don’t have the time to work out each day. 
I’m horrible at meeting new people.
I’m always running late. 
Everyone in my family is like this – it’s just the way we are.  Etc.

Are these facts?  No – of course not.  You may not even believe it to be true ALL the time, but even part time, this self-talk is damaging.  You are creating your story and your subconscious is eating up it.  Remember, the subconscious will take in whatever you tell yourself; positive or negative – it can’t tell the difference.

You can set all the goals for yourself you would like, but until you get your story (your self-talk) straighten out, you are setting yourself up for failure.  Oh, maybe not at first; but after a while, when motivation is waning, and the going starts to get tough, our brains fall back into our old familiar story. 

Anyway, it is something to think about.  I am still feeling like we should all be working our way towards having the best year of our life.  We deserve nothing less.  That is one thing I know is a FACT.

When You Realize What is Missing is YOU

A friend of mine is a bit lost.  She has been in the “Mommy Business” too long.  She has forgotten who SHE really is – other than a mother of 3 beautiful girls, wife to 1 somewhat demanding husband, and Playgroup Coordinator for the Moms Club she belongs to.  She loves being a mother, she loves her husband (the Moms Club position she could take or leave, I think) but over one too many glasses bottles of wine she confessed the secret many women carry around with them:  she has lost herself and doesn’t know WHERE to look – and is not even sure she has the time or energy to try.  Sound at all familiar?

When my son was 16 months old, we hired a babysitter for the first time so we could attend this high profile charity dinner.  My husband needed to go for business purposes; I desperately just wanted to get really dressed up and go out.  I was 6 feet away from Warren Beatty when I spotted a guy used to work with.  I hurried over to him (excited to know someone) and barged into the group of people he was talking with.  Introductions were made via name and titles (and they all had big titles) and then there was me (Mrs. Stay at Home Mom).  One woman took the time to gush how she just LOVED women who stayed at home with their kids and how being a Mother was so important, but that took all of 5 seconds and then I was quickly dismissed.  I remember feeling so shocked that I could be deemed so unimportant, as if being a Mom meant I had nothing of interest to say.  H-e-l-l-o.  I read the papers, I know what is going on in the world.  I’m informed.  I have opinions.  Nope – I had become instantly invisible (even in my killer black dress). 

My friend had her moment at a recent dinner party, where her husband’s boss (in an attempt to make conversation) loudly asked, “And what is it YOU do?  Besides looking out for those pretty girls of yours?”  Yes – well, there it is.  The Million Dollar Question. 

“Oh, I would have said how I was actively involved in charity work and how I am on the Board of one organization and help out as much as I can,” our other friend piped in.  Yeah?  Well, then you sound like one of THOSE women, the insecure ones that are trying too hard to show the world just how important they really are.  Besides, that wasn’t the point.  It wasn’t so much the embarrassment of being asked the question – it was more the shock at realizing she didn’t know the answer for herself.  Who is she?  What does she do?  What is her passion?  How does she identify herself with motherhood taken out of the equation?

The question doesn’t throw you into a tailspin when you know the answer.  But she didn’t know (in fact, she didn't even know that she didn't know until right then on the spot)!  Her oldest child is about to turn 16.  That is a LONG time of being (solely) focused on the mother/wife stuff.  It’s not really surprising she lost herself along the way.  What is surprising is that more of us don't at one time or another (or maybe we are just not as honest with ourselves). 

So kudos to my friend for not brushing it off, for not thinking the boss was an insensitive out-of-touch jerk, and then just going on with her life.  She was brave enough to admit it made her pause.  It made her think.  She recognized something was missing:  HER! 

She is going on a quest this year to find herself.  And I am going to help her!  My bookshelves are full of great resources, just waiting to be looked at again after so long (sadly, since becoming a mother, my reading material has been primarily kid focused and I think it is time to move on – or at least get it more in balance).  Besides, that is what we do when our friends are in need.  And quite frankly, this Zen Mama Wannabe has no doubt that I too will learn a (much needed) thing or two along the way. 

Ready for the Best Year of Your Life?

The countdown is about to begin.  Out with the old, in with the new.  One year ends, another begins.  Do you use this time to reflect at all – to look back at all that has happened in your life during this year?  Do you think about what you accomplished – and what you did not?  Do you think about how to make 2009 even better?

I don’t make New Year’s Resolutions, my girlfriend informed me.  I think she is crazy not to – and told her so!  When is there a better time than NOW – as a year winds down?   It feels so natural. Sure you can make resolutions any time, but the calendar gives us a start (January 1st) and possibly a finish (December 31st  -- if you set yearly goals). 

I don’t set them so I don’t break them, another friend told me (rather tongue in cheek – I HOPE).  But that is ridiculous.  You’re not going to set goals for yourself because you don’t think you can achieve them??  Hello ostrich, how deep is the sand over there?!  Maybe you need to take a look at the type of goals you are setting for yourself.  Or gain a little confidence in what you can do if you put your mind to it.  Or both. 

I love this time of year.  I love taking a moment to look back (because aren’t we all usually so busy moving forward?)  Just for a moment I like to think about the highlights (and lowlights) of the year.  Of all I actually DID accomplish  - and that which I had hoped to and did not.  It is a private moment to be REALLY (really) honest with yourself.  We all should do it.  At least once a year. 

I don’t dwell on the reflection too long.  It is important to take stock of things.  Yet I am eager to move forward, to plan out what I want to have happen in this coming new year.  In many ways it feels like a fresh start, and I embrace that.  Our past does not need to define us!

Best selling author Debbie Ford asks:  What will it take for this to be the best year of your life?  Powerful question, isn’t it?  But God willing, you are going to be here on Earth for this next year – do you want it to be a humdrum year?  Or do you want it to be something special?  Do you want to just “make it through” or “survive” another year or do you want to live with zeal and gusto? 

This Zen Mama Wannabe wants to look back a year from now and say, “Wow – what a fabulous year I just had!  Look what I accomplished!  Look how I worked and made my dreams come true!  I learned so much and grew and contributed – it was truly a stellar year for me!”  Did I say that THIS past year (in all my looking back)?  No.  But…I made some progress.  So, onward and upward, I always say. 

I am excited about 2009 and all the possibilities that are out there – for me – and for you!  What WOULD having the best year of your life look like for you?  What would you need to make happen?  Then break it down into smaller pieces – what would you need to accomplish monthly in order to achieve what you want?  Focus in even smaller – what about what you’d need to do weekly?  Daily? 

You’re probably not going to get handed your perfect year on a silver (or gold) platter.  You are gonna have to work for it.  But you truly deserve the very best (as do I – we ALL do).  And it CAN happen.  And it WILL happen for SOME people.  They will figure out what they want, and what they need to do, and then they will work hard to make it happen.

So why can’t that be you?  Why can’t it be me?  Why can’t we have the best year of our lives?  What’s stopping us – besides our own limitations?  If a black man who describes himself as having “big ears and a funny name” can become President of the United States, don’t you think just about anything is possible? 

So, here is to you!  To us!  To making 2009 one of the best years of our lives! 

Cheers!

Giving Up on Giving?

On Day 10 of our 29-Day Giving Challenge, we were faced with a dilemma.  It was nearly time for the kids to go to bed and nothing had been recorded as a Give for that day.  What do we do?  Do we GIVE each other hugs and call it a day?  Write it down on our daily calendar as if we had truly accomplished something?  Or, do we admit we blew it and start all over again?  Does it really matter – in the big scope of things?  Do I dare damper my children’s enthusiasm for this wonderful project by making us begin again – or do we keep going and just try harder on the future days?  What would you do??

Give 29 things away in 29 days – it is simple concept.  It almost makes you want to go through your house, find 29 things you no longer use, give them away to charity and call it a day.  But we all know that is not the point.

   

You give but little when you give of your possessions.

It is when you give of yourself that you truly give.

-    Kahlil Gibran

That was the message I was trying to send to my kids.  That it didn’t HAVE to be about giving away toys and books and possessions.  They embraced that part of it (with a huge sigh of relief, I might add).  But is giving mom a hug or help carrying in the groceries really a gift – or is it something that would have been done anyway?  Isn’t the purpose of this to go above and beyond? 

I paused to look over my own giving calendar.  I had one day where I really went out of my way – where I did something good, something I felt proud of, something that wasn’t part of my normal routine, an opportunity I think many people would have missed.  However, for the most part, my “gifts” were things I give normally.  Great that I am doing them, but that is just it:  I AM doing them.  I haven’t added more kindness or good will into the world – so how am I really succeeding at this challenge?? 

My son was so excited about this 29-Day Giving Challenge that he couldn’t wait to tell his teacher about it.  Maybe, he told her with such enthusiasm, their WHOLE class could do it.  Maybe they could tell the principal about it and the WHOLE school could do it.  That is the right idea – that’s the right energy behind it that has the potential to really make changes in the world.   And yet, only 10 days into it we failed. 

But maybe we were failing along the way – by not doing more to really GIVE.  Or maybe it was just this Zen Mama Wannabe that failed.  My kids are young – this is not something they can do on their own (certainly not my 4-year old).  They need frequent reminders and pep talks and cheerleading along the way.  I had no idea how much energy and thought this giving challenge would take!  Somehow, in less than 2 weeks, it became one more thing added to my TO DO list.  In-between their school, soccer, homework, household chores, nightly reading, etc. it became just one more thing to juggle, one more thing to check off the list.

I am disappointed and embarrassed – but mostly with myself.  The one that should have done better was me.  This isn’t just a 29-Day Giving Challenge – this is an opportunity to teach my children one of the most valuable concepts in life.  Today’s world has become so much about “me me me” and “What do I get?”  The only way we are going to see change is if we step back and start focusing on GIVING, not getting.  If we can do this, we can be a part of the solution, part of the change.  How powerful is that?!  After 29 days in a row of giving, perhaps it will start to be a natural part of our consciousness – a habit of sorts. 

A well-intentioned friend questioned me, “You couldn’t have just keep it going?  So they had an off day of giving – is that really the end of the world?”  But I think that it is.  It sends the message that it is okay to not do your best.  Oh let’s just make something up; let’s just throw something in and it will count.  No!  We do it right or it does not get to count.  We cannot take credit for giving when it wasn’t a true give – when it didn’t really come from our hearts and there was no thought put into it at all.  I cannot teach my children to be less than their potential.  And yet, I sit here feeling like the biggest loser mom there ever was. 

There are those who give little

of the much which they have-

and they give it
for recognition and their hidden desire

makes their gifts unwholesome.
And there are those who have little and give it all.

These are the believers in life and the bounty of life,

and their coffer is never empty.

There are those who give with joy,

and their joy is their reward.

More from "The Prophet” by Kahlil Gibran

I have printed out new blank calendars and we will start (again) today.  My children will learn that when you fall of the horse, you get right back on.  There is good that needs to be done.  There are important lessons that need to be learned.  Especially for me – I had NO idea giving (going above and beyond – not just the regular stuff) was so tough!  It is obviously time to push the walls of my comfort zone and reach a bit.  Let’s just hope we I do a little better this time around!

More on the 29-Day Giving Challenge

I spent a good portion of our dinner table conversation last night talking to the kids about the 29-Day Giving Challenge.  I am really excited about this in a whole new way now – not just as something I want to do for me, but as a fabulous teaching opportunity for my children.

You should have seen their faces at first – when I said it is about giving away 29 things in 29 days.  I could see the fear gripping at them, thinking I was suggesting another cleaning out of toys and books for charity.  It was only just a few months ago that they started getting comfortable with that concept.  Up until then, if I tried to gather up some old toys to take down to the local charity drop-off box, they would immediately insist on playing with THOSE toys.  Toys they had not touched in years were now the ones they were attached too.  “Oh – you are taking something away from me, I am now lacking, therefore I need to cling to this more than ever.”  That overwhelming feeling of scarcity touches all of us (even this Zen Mama Wannabe) from time to time.  I understand it all too well. 

However, we had a breakthrough with this over the summer when I asked them to donate 3 toys to charity as a square to cross off on their bingo charts.  Having a strong incentive to earn a bingo, my daughter hesitantly picked up her Little People dollhouse and started to hand it over to me.  “Sweetie, this is something you still like to play with.  Are you sure this is one of the items you wish to choose?”  She just looked up at me with her big eyes and solemn face, only her trembling lip giving her away.  I knelt down and explained to her I did NOT want her to give the dollhouse away; it was still a toy she enjoyed and played with and she should still be able to do that.

This was not meant as a punishment.  I just wanted us to give away a few toys they no longer played with – so that some other child could enjoy them.   Relief lit up my daughter’s face and I could tell she finally “got it.”  She ran around the room looking for “baby toys” – toys she had played with as a toddler but had since outgrown.  She found the 3 she wanted to give and did so for the first time with a big smile on her face. 

Giving should not be painful.  It should not be “I give to you therefore I have less myself.”  That is the scarcity mentality.  Instead it is: the more I give, the more I receive.  That is the lesson our kids should learn.  Think about how much better our economy and country would be today if some adults on Wall Street had learned those lessons years ago. 

It is still a work in progress for us, and at dinner last night I could tell their first reaction was to go to that place of scarcity and lack.  So I reminded them of how it felt this summer when we gave away a few things we no longer used that could really make a difference in someone else’s life.  I talked about how giving to others does not always have to be material things (like toys or money or physical things).  I saw the light bulb click on for my son; “It can be giving a helping hand,” he exclaimed!  Exactly. 

The ideas started flowing: holding the door open for someone who has their hands full, giving a smile and a hug to someone who is sad, making a card to send to someone to let them know they are special, baking our favorite cookies and giving them away to friends…their lists went on and on. 

I told them about how we each would have a calendar where we would keep track of the one thing we gave away that day.  “What if we give 3 things away in a day?” they wanted to know.  Yes – how about that – nothing like the contagious energy of good will! 

I realized I hadn’t put much energy into this with them before now.  Sure, there were a few bingo squares (which started to help them understand the essence of giving) but this is taking it to a whole new level.  You start by thinking you don’t have enough to give (lack) and get to a place where you see and feel the abundance around you.

It is going to be a bit of work, I think, to stay with this for 29 days.  I need to keep it going and help them maintain their enthusiasm.  Many times with a new project, we start off strong and then after a while it fizzles out a bit.  That is my doing – I need to make sure this stays a priority for us.  That is why those free calendars are so helpful, because you can post them up in a place where they are noticeable to everyone in your household and thus have a better chance of staying on track.  Accountability is key. 

As I mentioned before, the calendars also have a spot to write what you received that day.  Interestingly, that was a much harder concept for them to get their heads around.  I told them we would not worry about that – what was important was what we gave that day.  If we thought of something we happened to receive – great, but it wasn’t a requisite. 

Of course my 7 year old (always checking all the angles) asked what would happen if we didn’t give something one day.  I said then that person would need to start over again – for it is 29 days in a row.  That took him by surprise; I don’t think he will miss one day now (hopefully none of us will)!  He also wanted to know what happens when you get to Day 29.  I told him a lot of people, including the woman that founded this 29-Day Giving Challenge, choose to start it all over again.  My son seemed very impressed that she has done this 29-Day Challenge over 6 times.  “Wow - that’s a lot of giving,” he commented.  And isn’t that exactly what we need right now (especially now)??!

Up for a Challenge?

Are you up for a challenge?  Ready to try something that could not only help others around you but possibly change your life as well?  Are you finding yourself in need of a little something – like a life with a little more purpose, or a better feeling about the life you are living?  Do you sometimes feel like there is something missing – you are just not sure what it is or what to do about it?  Well, I may have found just the thing you (and I) need.               

                                        

                          Give away 29 things in 29 days.

I ran across this idea on a recent post by Morningside Mom.  I was intrigued and followed the link to 29gifts.org where Cami Walker, the Creator of the 29-Day Giving Challenge talks about how this whole thing came to be.  During a hard time in her life, it was suggested to her that in order to “get outside of your struggle, give one thing away each day for 29 days.” 

She did it and experienced amazing results.  She told some friends and before long people were signing up from all over to take this challenge.  Now her goal is to start a giving movement within the world.  In these troubling times, doesn't this seem like something we all really need?   

It sounds simple – but is it?  Women usually give so much of themselves as it is.  Some days it can feel like that is all we have done – give to our families, give to work, give to school, give to the various activities, give to our spouses and partners – but what about ourselves?  Tired and exhausted we slump on the couch after being on the go since the sun came up, thinking, “You want me to think about who I can give to next??”  Maybe, as Morningside Mom points out, you might want to think about giving to yourself.  At that moment, that might be one of the greatest gifts to give.  But what if, as she points out, for just these 29 days, we stretch ourselves to “reach beyond that level of giving we are already competent at.”  I wonder what effect it would have in our lives – and in the world? 

Here is another “pay it forward” opportunity – you know how much this Zen Mama Wannabe believes in this!  But am I up for the 29-Day Giving Challenge?  Ooh – here is an idea:  what about doing this with our kids too??!  Wow – think of the possibilities!  There is no age requirement for giving.  It would be an awesome thing to do with teens, but even my 7 and 4 year old can participate.  What is the story at your house?  Up for a challenge?  Ready to see what can happen? 

They were trying to get 2,000 people to sign up by September 29th.  Earlier today, they reached that goal!  Now they are shooting for 20,000 givers.  But whenever you read this, you can sign up – there is no deadline for giving!  Officially signing up, by the way, makes you feel more committed.  You don’t have to sign up – you could just have a go at this on your own – but why not be part of this movement of giving?  Can you imagine if 20,000 people committed to do it – or 2,000,000 – or more? 

Can one person at a time really change the world?  Yes – but Ms. Walker says, “to see the world change, we have to be willing to DO something to change the world.”

If tackling changing the world sounds too much for you right now, then think about changing YOUR world.  The same principle applies: in order to see YOUR world change, you have to be willing to DO something to change your world.  I am ready for some change – are you? 

By the way, 29gifts.org has a great tool to use (especially if you choose to get your kids involved).  It is a free calendar to download and print out; on each of the 29 days, you write in what you gave – and also what you received.  As with any thing, it is so important to WRITE IT DOWN and this calendar makes it so easy.  I am printing out 3; my kids and I will start today.  Thanks Morningside Mom, for mentioning this!  Now let’s see how we do!  Anyone else care to join me?

What is Your Vision?

There is a lot of talk about Vision Boards lately.  Ever since they were mentioned on Oprah and in the bestselling book The Secret, more and more people are jumping on the board wagon.  It is actually not a new concept – most of us are familiar with that famous verse from the Bible, “As a Man thinketh in his mind and in his heart so is he!”   Regardless of the origin or who made it popular, vision boards are a powerful technique – for yourself AND your kids.  In fact, there is no doubt for this Zen Mama Wannabe that it could be one of the greatest gifts we share with our children!

Claude Bristol explains it simply in one of my favorite books, published back in 1954, that we don’t actually think in words…we think in pictures.

“…what you picture in your mind, if you picture it clearly and confidently and persistently enough, will eventually come to pass in your life!”

He goes on to say:

“Picture whatever you desire as though it has already been achieved in mind.  See yourself having something, being something, or doing something as an accomplished fact.”

A vision board is a helpful tool with this because you cut out, draw or create pictures of the things you really want in your life.  In a sense, it forces you to “think in pictures.”  To be able to cut images out of magazines, etc. you have to be AWARE of what you want.  At first, the pictures of the Caribbean vacation seem nice, but then you delve into it a little deeper.  What is it that you REALLY want?  A vacation?  Ok – sure, absolutely put that on.  But maybe there is also something more that you are seeking.

You may be searching for some peace or a bit of stillness in your life – and what photo would you cut out for that??  Then it comes down to how that thought is represented in your mind, and that is why vision boards are so private and personal.  Maybe a turquoise blue ocean DOES equate calm and peacefulness to you.  Maybe that feeling is one you are looking for, especially when your mornings (if they are anything like mine!) are usually so hectic and chaotic getting the kids ready and off for school on time. 

Ok, pretty simple concept – except for the actual DOING.  Who has the time to go through all these magazines collecting photos for your vision board?  That is what I said, until I actually just did it.  Surprisingly it didn’t take too long at all.  When you are ready (or perhaps desperate) for change, you will make it happen. 

Here is the exciting part:  this is something you can do with your kids.  In fact you should.  Every child should have a vision board in their room.  Sure there might be a lot of all the material things they want on it at first, but I guarantee you the more you talk about it and work on it together, the more they will start to get it.  That there is more to strive for in a rich, fulfilling life, than just material objects. 

My preschool-age daughter talks about putting up a picture of little girls having a tea party with their dolls and stuffed animals (it makes her think of getting together with her friends and playing together – something very important to her that she wishes she could do more of).  My baseball-loving son wants to take a picture of a major league baseball player on his favorite team and put a photo of HIS head on top – as if HE were the player (for right now that is one of his dreams – to play professional baseball).  And yes, he wants to put a picture of the Wii on it too.  ☺

I say go ahead – dream big – you never know what can happen!  Maybe if you dream clearly and confidently enough, your dreams will come true.  As the saying goes: If you believe, you can achieve.  And really, isn’t that one of the most important concepts we want to teach our children? 

5 Steps to Becoming A+

School is about to start…new books to read, new things to learn….for ME, I mean.  Lately this Zen Mama Wannabe has been feeling like my parenting skills need a overhaul refresher course.  What do I do when I get a bit down about things like this  --  when my character flaws, my permanent wannabe status, leads me to feel so far away from the mom I REALLY want to be? 

1. I beat myself up a bit.  An important step, I think, as long as you don’t wallow in it.  Admit to yourself you are not where you want to be.
2. Educate yourself.  Before you know which diet to go on, for example, you need to research the various ones to find the best match for you. So many people eliminate or avoid this step, yet I feel it is a crucial one.  How can you devise a plan without all the facts/information?  Go to your toolbox and figure out the tools you need to help you with this.
3. Create your plan of attack.  If the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over yet expecting a different result, then what will you do that is different? What do you want to achieve – specifically?  What are you going to change from what you are doing – or not doing – right now?  And how are you going to do it?
4. Be like Nike: JUST DO IT.  You have a plan, great.  But again, nothing will change until you actually DO SOMETHING. 
5. Re-evaluate as needed.  Check in with yourself after a certain period of time.  How are you doing?  Are you happy with your results thus far?  Do you need to adjust your plan of attack or are you on the right course?  Are you seeing results?  If not, why?  You may need to go back to Step 3 and make some adjustments.  Was your goal over-ambitious? Unrealistic? 

If your goal is fine but you are not doing Step 4, then ask yourself the same question:  why?  Why aren’t you doing it?  What is getting in your way?  How can you fix that? 

Ultimately, it is up to you.  Nobody can (or wants to) do it for you.  Decide to change something – or decide to stick with the status quo; either way, it is YOUR choice. 

There are some things I want to change -- well, a lot of them, quite frankly -- but I have to prioritize and right now I want to get my parenting skills in check.  I feel like I am operating at the “C” level, when where I want to be is in the “A” range.  Feels like I’m being only average when that is not where I really belong.  I have been an A+ parent before and that’s what I’m shooting for now. 

Some may argue it is impossible to stay at A+ for a long period of time, but I’m not going to have someone talk me into mediocrity.  Why should I accept less than what I know I can be?  I don’t expect to be A+ all the time; what I expect is to be in the A range (+ or -) the majority of the time.  It’s important to me.  If my “job” is being a stay-at-home mom then I need to feel like I am at the top of my game, not just getting by being average.  Who strives to be average?  Certainly not this Zen Mama Wannabe.