Zen Mama Wannabe

What's For Dinner??

About a year ago I made a threat promise to my children.  I said it out loud.  Many times.  In 2009, when my daughter turned 5 and my son turned 8, that was it…we would all be eating the SAME thing for dinner.  Every night.  No more “kids meals.”  No more different menus for children and grown-ups.  Ah yes, what do they say about good intentions?  It’s only been a week and already what I want to eat most are my words!

This all ties into the big aha moment I had – that started me us on this journey.  Why did I think it was necessary for my kids to LIKE what was being served for dinner??  They were as shocked to hear my discovery as I was to make it.  But once I did, it was like DUH!!  Talk about a moment of parental clarity.

In my defense (of which there is none really) it has less to do with overprotective parenting and more with just being a People Pleaser by nature.  I WANTED dinner to be a pleasurable experience.  One to be enjoyed and savored by ALL of us.  As such, I let things slide.

Both my kids had texture issues as toddlers that caused extra focus and attention to be placed on food and what they could and couldn’t eat.  There were struggles with some foods above and beyond typical kid taste bud patterns.  I was perhaps too sympathetic.  My son quickly moved up the ranks to reigning President of Picky Eaters of America.  Being a member myself, I vowed my second-born child would never join. 

At age 2, my daughter’s repertoire was fairly wide: salmon, steak, scrambled eggs, etc, (all things my son would not let near his lips).  At 2½, coinciding perfectly with what many child rearing books warn you about, my pride in all I had done went out the window.  The wide variety narrowed considerably. We quickly had another member of the club.

I confess: at times I gave up in.  The path of least resistance meant food wouldn’t go to waste – and that I wouldn’t have to deal with cranky, hungry children.  Somewhere along the way, I bought into the notion that they should LIKE at least some most of what was put in front of them. 

But when my son boasted how he was a vegetarian who didn’t like vegetables, I finally saw the light.  So what if he didn’t like vegetables – few kids do.  Just because he didn’t like them shouldn’t mean we should be avoiding them at all costs.  Was I really expecting that he would just wake up one day and say he wanted to try zucchini, or a piece of chicken, or anything really besides cheese pizza or a similar combination of melted cheese and bread?

I put them on notice so there would be no arguments or misunderstandings.  Once they had their birthdays this year, things at our house were going to change.  God help us all.

We reached the jumping off point at the end of May and now there is no going back.  I am as much locked into this as they are.  No more endless questions being asked of “What are the kids having for dinner tonight?”  Now we are all in the same boat together.

You would think, this being the case, that life would suddenly be easier.  Oh no-o-o!  Let’s see, so far for dinner we have had pizza, pasta, soy hot dogs and my new Taco Nite (which was kind of a bust – he ended up turning his taco shell and cheese into a quesadilla – again it is all about the melted cheese and bread; she (true to form) choose not to eat it at all.

I was chickening out.  You can’t just serve kid food to the whole family every night, my husband reminded me.  But I became terrified of anything beyond the basics.  Again, the wasted food, the hungry kids (you can see a whole lot of issues being brought up for me – so interesting what we put on food). 

Tonight I am giving it another try.  We are having my homemade Potato Leek Soup, with some hearty whole wheat bread I just bought today at the local Farmer’s Market.  The soup is delicious, if I do say so myself – but they don’t eat potatoes in any form (we all know French Fries don’t count as potatoes) and they won’t go near soup - period.  Groovy – two strikes already and we haven’t even gotten up to the plate.

I know, try to make sure they are really hungry when they sit down to eat. Make sure there are a couple things being served that they like – so they at least have SOMETHING to eat.  If all else fails, bribe them with dessert.  The tricks up my sleeve sure do feel old these days. 

What are YOU making for dinner tonight?  Any family pleasing menus you can share?  Let’s face it:  this Zen Mama Wannabe needs all the help I can get!

Ending Dinner on a Sweet Note

Do your kids have dessert every night?  Is it a regular part of your mealtime – or only done as a special treat?  What is your feeling on this?  Is it better when it is thought of as “no big deal” instead of a hugely sought after treat that only occurs on special occasions?  And how is this shaping our children’s eating habits - now and in the future?

I grew up in a household that had dessert every night.  My mom is of the generation that regularly baked homemade pies, cakes, etc. and served them after supper each night.  That lessened to a great degree after I was born, but we still had ice cream or pudding or SOMETHING to cleanse our palate. 

My mom is all about moderation.  She would have a sliver of pie or a small (tiny by today’s standards) bowl of ice cream.  Just enough to end the meal on a sweet note.  She is also the one who had 1 (and just one) glass of wine each night with dinner.   Moderation.  Control.  Discipline.  It is probably why she is still in great physical shape even now that she is in her late eighties.  She learned the secret  -- it is not about depriving yourself, but it is not about gluttony either. (Talk about a great message to teach your kids!)

When my kids were little, I stayed far away from desserts.  Sure we’d go out for ice cream cones (sometimes) and the kids had treats, but not on a regular basis.  Then they got older and perhaps more aware of the wonderful world of goodies out there.  It got hotter and hotter where we used to live.  Popsicles after playing in the pool slowly became a regular thing.  Somehow the lid to Pandora's Box had been lifted.

By last summer we were up to having ice cream after dinner -- every night.  It was hot, it was summer (a lax time of year) and it became an ace up my sleeve to get them to at least take a BITE of a vegetable.  That’s right – I bribed them.  I did it knowing you are not supposed to, knowing the food experts say that is the WORSE thing you can do.  And you know what?  It worked.  My extremely picky eaters would actual eat their carrots or let a few bites of peas get past their sealed lips.  It was monumental – and what was the trade off?  I gave them a small scoop or two of ice cream (and not the high fat kind – just your basic grocery store variety). 

But now I wonder if I have created a monster.  You see, now there is an EXPECTATION of dessert.  No longer is it a “treat” – it is just what happens at the end of the meal, if you eat your dinner.  I know, I know – another No No.  But I wasn’t going to offer dessert without them eating a well-balanced dinner – my kids could LIVE on carbs and fruit and if they never took a bite of a vegetable or some protein (besides the cheese on pizza) that would be okay by them. 

So I wonder, do I stop buying ice cream, so it is not in the house, so I can’t offer it for dessert?  Do we change the rule (ooh – careful with rules around my son) and say dessert is only offered on the weekends?  The whole “just serve them fruit for dessert” doesn’t work for us because I serve them fruit with dinner – as part of their 5 a day.  So what do I do?

I suppose ice cream is not the WORST thing they could be having.  It’s not like I am offering them cookies or processed junk foods.  When I was a kid, ice cream was actually listed under a serving of Dairy on the 4 Food Groups chart.  I have also switched ice cream brands to Breyers by the way.  Only kind I’ll buy now.  After finally reading the ingredients labels (truly eye opening) I found it to be the healthiest brand by far (and still lower in fat than all those “premium” brands). 

But the bigger issue is what am I teaching them?  Am I ingraining the habit in them of always NEEDING dessert after a meal?  Is it better to have it be only for special occasions (birthdays, celebrations, etc)?  I would lose my bribing ace, which is truly the only way I am getting them to expand their limited repertoire.  But food experts say they will come around eventually.  Maybe I just need to have faith that their stinted taste buds will one day wake up. 

Finally, as child obesity rates climb skyrocket, I realize telling them they can have dessert (more food) once they eat the untouched portion on their plate might just make them overeat.  I tell them to listen to their stomachs and if they are full, they should stop eating – but they also know if they are full, they won’t get dessert (makes sense right? because they are already full) and I know there are times they shovel in those last few bites just to get the good stuff. 

As you can tell, this Zen Mama Wannabe goes around and around with this.  I have seen how well everything in moderation works for my mom.  On the other hand, maybe cutting out nightly desserts (and the expectation of such) is the way to go.  My goal is to raise healthy children and provide them with good eating habits.  Any suggestions?

6 Food Mistakes Parents Make

Two weeks ago an article on the New York Times website caught my eye, and I have not been able to stop thinking about it since. “6 Food Mistakes Parents Make” lists common sense food errors parents make when trying to get kids to eat healthy.  Are these really “mistakes” we make with our kids?  Are you guilty of any (or most – like me)?  With a laissez-faire attitude, do kids eventually branch out and become less fussy?  Or, do healthy habits need to be diligently developed?

It is not just Ms. Parker-Pope’s article that talks about involving kids in the actual cooking process.  Experts agree that children who participate in the preparing of the meals are for the most part more interested in eating those meals.  Keeping kids out of the kitchen is not something I try to arrange.  Yet most nights I find myself cooking alone.  Oh, I have helpers when I make homemade pizza (thanks to Trader Joe’s for the ready-made dough) and Mac and Cheese (Jackie at KidsDish introduced me to a yummy one my son will actually eat).  But what I need to be doing is having my kids help throw vegetables into homemade soup, salads or a stir-fry (all foods not current in their repertoire). 

Speaking of the V word, I am guilty of another of the food mistakes: serving boring vegetables.  I am convinced my children were poisoned by vegetables in another lifetime because they both are so careful to stay as far away from any form of one now!  It has taken me nearly a year to get them eating carrot and cucumber sticks – and I label that a huge success.  They recently ate green beans (about a tablespoon’s worth with a bit of butter) but I think we need that to happen a few more times before we can count that as “success.”

Truly, the only way I have had success with any vegetable at all is to make another of the food mistakes: pressuring them to take a bite.  This is one I agree with in theory but not in practice.  In theory I get it, I really do.  In practice, my children have gone YEARS without any interest in taking even the smallest nibble of a vegetable (again, must have been poisoned – it is all I can think of).  The ONLY way I finally got them to take a bite of a carrot stick was to say, “Well, listen to your tummies.  If you are full, then you should stop eating, but if you are interested in having a little dessert tonight, you will need to have at least 1 carrot stick.”  I know, I know – I’m the worst of the worst.  But you know what?  It worked!  For the first time ever, they tried it. 

Someone might scold me: “You are putting more value on dessert than on the vegetables.”  All I can say is the vegetables were not being eaten.  Ever.  Not once.  My children are as neophobic as it comes – except when it comes to sweets.  We are a pretty healthy household in terms of not having a lot “junk” around.  They are not deprived of it – again, I believe in moderation, but we try to make healthy choices as much as possible.  Yet, show my kids a piece of chocolate they have never seen, or weird-shaped candy, or a different flavor of ice cream and they will try it – without being asked twice.  Celery sticks with peanut butter – no way!  Broccoli trees with a dip – forget about it!   But a sweet they have never tried before – bring it on!  All of a sudden they are adventurous beyond belief.  So this alleged value was already there – I am just using it to my advantage to get them to try things they won’t on their own.   

Is this really a huge food mistake?  I hope not.  I do know they were not willing to even TRY the green beans until I said my little thing about dessert.  Grudgingly, they each took a bite.  Said they hated them – ick!  I said that was fine, but if they wanted dessert that night they needed to take 3 bites.  The second bite went down a bit better – they both admitted they weren’t SO bad.  By the third bite, they said they liked them!  My daughter went on to eat 5 bites in all.  From no way (!!!) to yuck, to hey - green beans are ok.  To me that is HUGE. 

Like many mothers of picky eaters, I admit I often always give up too soon.  Not only do I get discouraged, I feel it becomes a big waste of food.  But I am slowly realizing that if I don’t stick with it, nothing will change – and I refuse to be talking about taking 3 bites when they are 10!

I am hoping I can get to place where I serve healthy food and if my children don’t eat it, then that is their choice.  But for us, I would rather do this gradually, then just go at it cold turkey. (Is that smart - or just plain lazy??)  Ultimately, this Zen Mama Wannabe is trying to teach them healthy eating habits that will serve them well for the rest of their life. We just seem off to a rather slow start.

Lunch time Blues

My son has a lunch date today – with his former 1st Grade teacher.  He has been looking forward to it all week.  I have been dreading it (as only a mother of an active member of the Picky Eaters of America club would do).

He missed the pizza party last week, for the students that completed those thick packets she handled out at the end of last year.  My son had an incentive to work hard during the summer, doing so many workbook pages per day, so that he could join her for this pizza party once the new school year started.  Then, wouldn’t you know it, the party was scheduled for last Friday – when we were to be out of town. Sweet teacher that she is, she told him they could have lunch together THIS week – just the two of them (!!!) and she would bring the dessert.  My son is thrilled; I been worrying about this for days.

My son LOVES pizza.  Cheese pizza is probably his favorite food.  The theme carries over to cheese quesadillas and grilled cheese sandwiches.  You get the idea:  bread/or dough and melted cheese.  We do not have many other consistent themes in his repertoire (that food list has not expanded much since we first posted it up on the wall).  Had he been able to attend the original party, he would have gobbled up the cheese pizza, no different than the other kids there, and life would go on.

Today, however, it is just him, the teacher and his lunch box.  And what he brings to school in his lunch box is cause for great concern.  There are many debates in our house about what should be packed and they usually end with my husband becoming extremely frustrated with the whole situation and me feeling like he wants to nominate me for Loser Mom of the Year. 

In Kindergarten, we managed okay with peanut butter and jelly.  New school, new rules – and here it is no peanut butter.  We have tried the various nut and soy butters and got the big Thumbs Down.  Besides, our son tells us, he is T-I-R-E-D of peanut butter and jelly and really doesn’t like it anymore.  How can you NOT like peanut butter and jelly?  You used to LOVE it!  It’s All-American – like baseball – I bet Russell Martin, your all-time favorite player, likes peanut butter and jelly?  (Yes, that’s right – I pull out all stops – and it never works, but I keep trying).

Nope – it is a no go.  So I move on; why waste my energy when he can’t bring it to school anyway.  Grilled cheese gets soggy – and who likes cold grilled cheese?  I empathize.  So where we are at is Luna Bars: 10 grams of protein, 5 grams of fiber, and less than 2 teaspoons of sugar in each one.  Come on – how else would our terribly picky eater growing boy get 10 grams of protein at one sitting?  I really don’t think this is the worst choice in the world.

But my husband disagrees.  It is basically a candy bar, he tells me.  You are giving your son a candy bar for lunch every day.  (Notice how he is now my son for this – hmmm).  What I’d like to say in a very un-Zen like moment is “Then you pack his lunch – and good luck to you!”  Instead, I repeat the part about the high protein and how it is quick and easy to eat, which is important when your child would rather nibble for a few minutes and then run off to play as soon as they are able to be dismissed from the lunch tables.

I continue to defend my choice for his lunch, but still carry the burden of all the guilt.  Somewhere I have it in my head (or have bought into the suggestion?) that I am a bad mother because my son will not eat turkey and cheese sandwiches like the other kids.  Or go near hummus and carrot sticks like the really evolved children, whose moms must have NO idea what I am talking about.  I manage the guilt as best I can, until a day like today occurs, when I realize another adult is going to sit there with him and actually SEE what gets packed in his lunch.  It won’t just be my husband’s judgment; now I am imagining our former teacher’s disapproval as well. 

I tell myself elementary school teachers know kids are picky.  They understand getting some of them to eat what is in their lunch boxes is tough.  This isn’t classified information – they get it, right??  Maybe she will notice the water (not juice) and all the fruit (not chips or processed junk).  And why does it really matter what his FORMER teacher thinks about his eating habits or his mom’s lunch packing skills?  We had a successful year at school.  She knows my son is a sweet boy, eager to learn, and I think that would outweigh any concern she might have about his/my lunchtime choices. But the guilt nags on. 

So in a moment of panic this morning, I gave my son the 1-minute sales pitch on Kashi bars and got his hesitant okay to put that in his lunch today instead.  Kashi bars only have half the protein, but they are not covered in chocolate and therefore LOOK more like granola bars than candy bars - therefore appearing more acceptable, I think.  They are a different texture than the Luna bars, and not quite as filling (this I say from personal experience) and I am not convinced he is going to like them – or more importantly EAT them.  But we shall see.

Anyone else raising members of Picky Eaters of America – or perhaps was one themselves?  Any suggestions for making lunch time a little more enjoyable – for ALL of us?   This Zen Mama Wannabe knows it is only my responsibility to pack healthy lunches; whether he eats or not is up to him.  But it is a long school day, and blood sugar levels really take a dive when kids don’t eat.  I would like to believe there is a happy medium out there;  I am just still in the process of discovering what in the world that is!!

When Did it Become All About the Food?

“Max can eat fruit, just no strawberries or purple grapes as they don’t seem to agree with him.  Crackers and gold fish are fine but no popcorn as the kernels stick in his teeth and it becomes a whole thing.  Trust me.  Meat and cheese roll-ups are fine, just no turkey as I think it has too many chemicals for their little bodies.  And no juice please, as we don’t do juice after 2pm.”

I am listening to Max’s mom go on and on, having no clue why she is telling me all this.  Max isn’t moving in, he’s not coming to stay with us for the weekend – and then it dawns on me – she is telling me this for the upcoming playdate we have scheduled this week.  A regular playdate – something that lasts roughly 2 hours, give or take.  Seriously?  Am I going to have to take notes??

When did it become all about the food??  Kids today can’t together for a few hours without eating?  This is what we are teaching our children?  Get-togethers and playdates = food? 

A good friend and I had been discussing this a few months earlier -- at the start of the Little League season, when the snack sign-up list got passed around.  Not only, she informed me, did they have to sign up to provide snacks for the games, but for the 1-hour practices as well.  She watched each week as some of the kids were more interested in the snack selection than learning the fundamentals of the game.  Do you find something wrong with this picture?

Was it this way when WE were kids?  I sure don’t think so, and neither does HotCrossBuns whose playtime growing up sounds an awful lot like mine.  What has happened between then and now – other than the rapidly increasing rate of obesity in kids? 

More importantly, what are we teaching our children – because WE are the ones that are creating this insanity obsession with food.  We are the ones insisting our kids have all these snacks at their extracurricular activities – and their playdates.  We are the ones sending forth the message that they can’t make it an hour or two without eating something and that water just is not enough to quench their thirst and re-hydrate them. 

Maybe it is one thing to focus this intently on snacks and food now – after all, most (but certainly not all) young kids are running around, burning off the extra fuel – but what happens when they become the slow-moving teens you hear so much about?  The population of teens that spends so much of their time slumped in front of a computer or video game.  They are hardly active yet have been conditioned (by us!) to eat throughout the day.  You don’t need a PhD in Nutrition to figure out what happens next. 

So what do I do about Max?  Have water and apple slices available if hunger strikes? Maybe, just maybe this Zen Mama Wannabe thinks, the playdate could be about FUN and not FOOD.  Not sure what Max’s mom would make of that – but it might be interesting to find out. 

A Letter to Oprah Winfrey

Dear Oprah,

You are an amazing woman and I am a huge fan!  I especially like how you have extended your reach and are gradually sharing more and more of your “Soul Series” type info – on your XM Radio program, via The New Earth 10-week class, in your magazine and even on your daily television talk show.  It was you that introduced me, a mere Zen Mama Wannabe, to the wonderful Dr. Oz and through him I have learned more about general health and my body than any doctor or book has ever taught me. 

So imagine my surprise when I was clicking through YOUR website and found this ad:

Although unwilling, I had to click through, to prove to myself that it was NOT as it appeared.  That this was NOT an ad on YOUR site promoting high fructose corn syrup.  Because what do Dr. Oz and Dr. Roizen say over and over to stay away from:  HIGH FRUCTOSE CORN SYRUP!

Oprah, shouldn’t the advertisements on your website be just as true as your programming?  You of all people can certainly be choosy with your ads.  A lesser known might feel they have to sell out because they need the money from any advertiser they can get, but not you! 

I know there are some, besides the corn growers of America, that argue that high fructose corn syrup is no worse for you than other types of sugar.   But Drs. Oz and Roizen do not seem to be in that group.  In part to them, and other leading nutritional experts, I have been actively reading food labels, trying to stay away from what they call a 4-letter word (High Fructose Corn Syrup).   

While promoting their best selling book YOU: on a Diet, they stressed on your show the importance of making sure HFCS is not listed as one of the first 5 ingredients in the products we buy. You have NO idea how challenging that is!  This Zen Mama Wannabe is trying so hard to make the right (healthy) food choices for her family.  Children and adults obesity rates in the USA continue to rise.  Diabetes, high blood pressure and high cholesterol rates are soaring too.  It is critical for us all to band together and do all we can to become a healthy nation again.

People listen to you, Oprah.  When you have Dr. Oz on your show saying stay away from this stuff, people listen.  People start to pay attention to these things - perhaps even start changing their food habits and making better choices.  So please, keep your message just as clear on your website.  I think it would do more good than you might ever imagine.

My sincere thanks -

Starting a *Foods They Will Eat* List

Making a list, checking it twice….not such a bad idea. Thanks to some good comments I received last week, I’m thinking of doing just that as I attempt to tackle this picky eating situation.  I remember a good friend of mine in LA did the same thing; she had a piece of construction paper posted on her fridge and on it were all the foods her son would eat.  Each time he tried and liked something new, it got added to the list.  His list got fairly long as I recall…I was pretty impressed. 

Another added plus of the list:  it helps you think of things to make for dinner.  Sometimes we get in a rut of only making a few different things for our kids (the no-brainer items that we’re sure they’ll eat without too much of a fuss – because, after all it’s the end of the day and who has the energy to deal with a big showdown scene?!).  The list reminds us too that there are (hopefully) more options out there than the 3 or 4 staples we always come up with. 

The reader said on her brother’s food list, once a food was ON the list, it couldn’t be taken off.  That, I think, is brilliant.  I might get my kids to try ravioli and they might even eat it that one time (this is such a hypothetical – my kids? Try something new and actually eat it?  Not on your life! Unless perhaps dessert is being held hostage – then they become a LITTLE more open.).  I think YEA, we’ve done it, we’ve added a new selection to our limited dinner rotation, and the next time I make it, they won’t touch it.  So putting it ON the list might help remind them that they tried it, they liked it, and it really will be okay to have it again. 

The idea of this food list brings up 2 questions:

1. Would incentives help or hurt? I worry about this because I do NOT want to create “food issues” that might haunt us in the later years.  One child is already very tuned into food, innately aware of it, frequently asking for snacks – whereas the other one can get distracted playing and go all day without food unless forced to stop and eat.  Interesting how siblings can approach the same thing so differently, but that’s a whole OTHER topic.   

Back to the incentive idea….I wonder if a little NON-FOOD incentive would be a good idea once they reach 7 items on their list, which is our goal at the moment; a different meal for each day of the week (I can’t even tell you how far off that sounds, but we have to start somewhere).  Then another “prize” when they hit 14 foods that they’ll eat, etc.  My kids always do well with incentives, and rewarding the positive behavior you wish to see usually works. 

There are schools of thought that disagree with this; they say don’t place any value on the foods they eat or don’t eat, so they won’t have any attachment it one way or another.  I agree with their position in theory (it certainly makes sense) but in practice I’m not so sure.  I tried it to a certain extent and nothing changed; they just keep eating the same few things.

2.  Do you put a food on the list that they will eat but only because they “have” to?  Those of you with picky eaters will know exactly what I mean – it is a food they will tolerate, with a few grumbles of course, and certainly not what THEY would pick for dinner, but they will eat.  This is opposed to the food they will just NOT eat at all (for me as a kid it was liver and onions – yuck and double yuck until my dying day; for my children the list seems to goes on and on).

Anyone have any thoughts?  Is this Zen Mama Wannabe on to something big here – something to help rid myself of the curse of the picky eaters??

Hey - we have more than 4 things listed!  Who knew??  Already I'm impressed.

 

The Best Parenting Advice I Didn't Take

They came to family dinners and had to eat separate meals -- primarily pasta, one of the most kid-friendly foods in the world.  My mother would tisk that children in HER day ate what they were served and wouldn't they just like to try some _____ (fill in the blank:  meatloaf, turkey, ham, vegetables, basically anything the rest of us were eating).  I told myself I would NEVER do that when I was a parent.  And now I find myself staring in the faces of two extremely picky eaters, who NEVER eat what the grown-ups eat - unless of course the grown-ups are eating pasta.  This must be karma's wicked sense of humor. 

I was even warned ahead of time by my very best friend and one of the smartest mothers I know.  Don't get in the habit of feeding your kids separate meals.  Let's call that some of the best parenting advice I got and didn't follow.  Shame on me twice! 

So now I find that in our house there is the kids meal and our meal.  Every night - unless again, we're having pasta or pizza.  Perhaps even worse (is there a worse?) is that their menu consists only of about 4 different things, counting the pasta and pizza.  Unless a "mixed-up dinner" counts - a way of marketing to my kids that it is exciting to have breakfast foods for dinner - which I get to do every so often when my husband is out of town. 

What's even worse (oh yes, sadly there is more) is that of these 4 different dinner menus, my two kids won't always eat the same things - so one of the 4 meals I have to call "chicken nuggets/cheese quesadillas" as my daughter eats the nuggets (sometimes) and my son eats the quesadillas (always - as long as the cheese is REALLY melted, because otherwise it's no good).  I am becoming a short order cook x 3! 

Eating Habits of a 4-year old

Ever had a routine question thrown at you that made you stop and pause?  An innocently asked question to merely gain information, with no intent of questioning your parenting, but through which you realize you have one messed-up situation on your hands?

“So then, what DOES she eat for lunch?”  There is is – the million dollar question that has thrown me into a tailspin.  The head of my Little One’s new preschool simply asking me what my daughter usually eats for lunch, since she’s been there at preschool camp for three days now and has yet to find a meal to her liking. 

You know it is a doozy of a question when you start stammering, “Uh…uh…well uh, apples and peanut butter….uh…”  But peanut butter isn’t something they can serve and yes, she tells me, she knows my Little One likes fruit – it’s been the only thing she has nibbled off her plate.  “What she does eat for the MAIN part of her meal?’

As I pathetically stand there racking my brain for SOMETHING, she takes pity on me and starts throwing out suggestions.  “Tacos?  Grilled cheese? Turkey roll-ups? Mac and cheese?”  My head is shaking in nervous twitches as I realize these are all the normal things kids have for lunch – and my daughter won’t eat any of them. 

Yes, Houston, we have a problem.

It is with great relief to both of us that we stumble upon chicken nuggets.  I am overjoyed – we found something!  Although the voice in my head tells me if I want to be honest about it, she has recently been informing me at the dinner table she no longer likes chicken nuggets and although she still eats them begrudgingly, frosted with ketchup, they really need to be the dinosaur kind because the other brand from Whole Foods didn’t work out at all (as in you might as well just throw that box away because not one more bite is ever going in that tiny mouth again - ever).

So Friday’s lunch at preschool is taken care of; they will now be serving chicken nuggets (to all the little campers) so that my daughter will eat something.  Marvelous.  What happens on Monday? 

I drive off, embarrassed it took being asked the question to become aware of the problem we have.  Has this Zen Mama Wannabe just been out to lunch?!  ☹

All About Choices

It’s all about making choices.  I tell my kids this constantly.  You can CHOOSE to get upset (about big brother using up most of flat yard space to play his pretend baseball game, or little sister making a fairy house right in the middle of your outfield) or choose to handle it differently. (Like, here is a thought:  MOVE to another area.  We have lots of outside space to play in; why is it that they always have to be in the SAME space at the SAME time?!) Either way, it is your choice. 

I tell my husband this when he reluctantly has to accept an invitation to a mere acquaintance’s big birthday bash – on a Sunday afternoon when he’d much rather be hanging out at home, playing with the kids or puttering around.  You can CHOOSE to make the best of it, go with a good attitude and hopefully have a better time than you’re expecting – or not. All your choice.
 
And I tell myself this when that little voice comes drifting out of the freezer once the kids have gone to bed:  “I’m here – just waiting – soft and creamy – eat me.”

Those Near and Dear to me know this to be true:  I like food.  Especially ice cream.  I’m one of those that when the kids get to visit Baskin Robbins, I’m up at the counter right there with them - and not just to pay for our treats; I’m always holding one in my fist too.

So it wasn’t a particularly easy choice when I say I didn’t eat dessert last night.  Relaxing on the couch, watching a little TV, and savoring a little bowl of ice cream (“little” is a relative term, right?) sounds like a good night to me!   But I didn’t last night, and not just because there is nothing good on TV anymore.  It was because of those fried wontons I couldn’t help but remember back to – the ones I had eaten only a few hours before.  The crab-cream cheese fried wontons from the local Chinese take out, the ones I generously dipped in sweet-n-sour sauce before popping in my mouth.  Five wontons come in an order, and I ate four (nice of me to let one out of my grip share one, eh?). What do you think – 100 calories per wonton?  Minimumally.  Oh yeah, plus the beer I had to wash it all down.  As well as the healthy portion of Cashew Shrimp I ate for “dinner,” as the wontons were an appetizer if you want to get technical about it.   

You can see I’m no hero here when I say I skipped dessert.  I had more than enough at dinner.  And yet, the voice from the freezer still came calling.  I had to make a choice.  My taste buds could imagine the creamy Rocky Road flavor slipping down my throat, mixed in with the crunch of the almonds and the soft, squishiness of the mini-marshmallows.  Was instant gratification going to win out over the misery I’d feel stepping on the bathroom scale the next morning? 

Quick – I was wavering, the voice was getting louder.  Before I gave it any more thought, I grabbed a big glass of water, shut off the kitchen light and went upstairs to distract myself on the computer, answering emails and catching up on the news of the day.  Phew – I did it!  This Zen Mama Wannabe made a good choice, the crisis on the scale the next morning was diverted.  Well, except for all those crispy fried wontons I ate, but hey – I am a Wannabe, far from perfect – cut me some slack! (If only the scale would too!)