Zen Mama Wannabe

Three Times a Charm?

Do you ever hear something, and then hear it again from someone else – in another setting altogether?  Do you take notice – or write it off as just a “coincidence?”  What about if you then hear it AGAIN from someone else?  Ever get the feeling someone or something is trying hard to get your attention? 

I try to stay open and aware all the time, to the signals and “whispers” floating around out there.  But there is so much information coming at us (doesn’t it feel that way to you too?) -- sometimes it is hard to know what to take notice of, and what to ignore.  So, if I should hear something a second time – from a completely different source – I pay attention.  My ears perk up and my brain registers that this is something I probably want to note. 

But if I hear something a third time, again from a separate source, I know with certainty this is information I need to act on. I immediately go check it out.  Whether it is a book, product, program, method, technique, etc., I look into it with my full attention.  Because I believe there is a reason why it keeps coming to my attention.  Call it what you would like (God, the universe, intuition, fate, etc…the words mean different things to different people and I think it is crazy to get hung up on labels) but I believe I am being directed to this information for a reason.

One of this Zen Mama Wannabe’s guiding principles is that I do not believe in coincidence.  As Dr. Wayne Dyer says: 

In mathematics, two angles that are said to coincide fit together perfectly.  The word coincidence does not describe luck or mistakes.  It describes that which fits together perfectly.  

So when a friend tells me about a book she is reading that is really changing her life, and then later that night when watching TV I hear someone talking about the same book, I think: GOT IT – I need to read that book too.  When someone tells me about a new health plan they are incorporating in their family’s lives and then I go home, pick up a magazine and casually flip it open right to an article all about that particular health plan, I think: GOT IT – I gotta check this to see if it would work for my family too.  When my husband says he’s thinking we should take a drive down the coast to this particular seaside town, and then I meet a new person and she tells me she used to live in that same coastal spot, I think: GOT IT – guess we need to go visit this town. 

I think there are messages all over the place for us – if only we pay attention.  I have heard Oprah says, “God always speaks in a whisper first.”  The brick wall and earthquake come later.  Ah yes, I have had those too. 

One of my dear girlfriends and I joke about all the signposts that are out there for us, that we miss from time to time, and it isn’t until later we realize that they were there to keep us from driving off the cliff.  Since we didn’t see them the first few times we zoomed by (or sometimes even on the 10th time either) we get the huge car crash instead.  Completely painful and quite a huge mess.  It isn’t until later that we realize if we had not crashed where and when we did and instead had kept on as we were, we would have soon plunged over the edge!  We pick ourselves up, get a new car and eventually drive on, but it would have been SO much easier if we would have seen those dang warning signs to begin with! 

So I try to pay attention.  If not to the second nudge, than at least by the third.  After all, what do they say, 3 times is a charm?!  I don't know about you, but I think this is one area where it pays to catch on quick!

Money for Chores?

Do your kids do certain jobs around the house (ok – yes, I am talking about the “c” word – CHORES) without getting paid for them?  Do you feel there are some things your children should just contribute (another “c” word) to the family or the household without having a carrot of some sort waved in front of them? 

I am feeling it is time to set up SOME sort of allowance system.  I previously wrote about financial expert Suze Orman’s opinion on allowances.  Her way is a bit “out of the box” but very interesting – and certainly makes some sense. 

A lot of parents I know tie allowances into chores – you do your chores, you get your allowance each week.  But most money experts say DON’T DO IT.  As Jean Chatzky, financial editor of the Today show and daily radio host on Oprah & Friends, said when asked if you should tie the allowance to good grades or doing chores:

"My feeling is no for two reasons. One, I believe it's the child's responsibility to do his or her best in school and to help around the house. School is their job just like work or running a household (or both) is yours. And two, if you make one contingent on the other, you're taking the chance that your child will choose to forego the cash in favor of not emptying the dishwasher or walking the dog. And you want them to have the money so that they'll learn how to manage it."

Whether you go along with Suze Orman’s method or as Jean Chatzky suggested, most agree there are things kids should do around the house (chores) just because.  And today, as a first step in this whole process, that is what I am thinking about.  What are good “jobs” or tasks for my kids to do that are not tied into any financial compensation?  Things like setting the table, picking up their dirty clothes or feeding the dog.  My kids do help out currently, but it is always when asked and not on a regular, consistent basis.  Time, I think, for that to change.

Do most parents have a list of chores their child must do?  Is it formally stated on a Chores Chart – or is that just for anal, wannabe organizers like me?  I can see where that would be helpful in showing your child what needs to be done, so that you don’t have to nag remind them constantly.  Or, does managing a chart just become one more thing for the parent to keep track of? (one of my greatest fears!)

For people like me with more than one child, do you switch some things off every other day?  You know, today is Johnny’s day to set the table, tomorrow is Mary’s, etc?  Or again, does that make it too complicated to keep track of?  I can see already the fights we could have…“But Mom, I did it yesterday – it’s her turn!”  Maybe a weekly system would be better.  One week one child sets the table and the other clears it; the next week it switches.  

It already sounds confusing and I haven't even started yet! But what I do know is having our kids be responsible for things is important.  This Zen Mama Wannabe truly believes that the more kids are able to take on as contributing members of a family, the more this will help them as adults become active contributors to our society at large.  Ah yes, teamwork.  Learning how to work hard and pitch in for the greater good.  These are qualities that must be taught.  So, I'm on board - chores it is.  I just need to set it up so that doing chores does not backfire and become a CHORE for me!

Where is the Parenting Manual for times like this?!

Ever been at a crowded department store on the weekend, heard a loud CRASH, and then realized it was YOUR child that broke the thing now in tiny pieces all over the floor? 

We were heading out of the Housewares Department after standing in a long line to buy a much-needed griddle when my son spots the tiny snow globe ornaments personalized with names on them.  Hundreds of names listed on this turnstile display (except his – still a little too unique, or his sister’s – still so popular it is always sold-out) but all of sudden he calls out, “Mom, Mom – I found it!”  It was his teacher’s first name and he said he wanted to get it for her as a gift. 

So sweet to be thinking of her - and not himself, so nice to want to get a little something for her out of the blue….what a nice “give.”  The whole ornament (snow globe and base) is about 2 inches tall – I mean it is a TINY little thing…BUT…it sure was a nice thought (and I want to encourage that).  So, I look around for the price.  By the time we figure out that this little speck of a thing cost $5, he is more convinced than ever that THIS is what he needs to get for her. 

I’m thinking $5 could get her a Starbucks gift card that she’d probably enjoy a whole lot more.  Or the $5 could be added on to a Barnes and Noble gift certificate that she could really use.  But this is what HE wants to do…and I don’t want to pooh pooh his thoughtfulness.  But now the line is REALLY long, and to wait in a long line for this cheesy little thing that doesn’t seem worth even $2  -- well, it’s a tough call. 

But off to the back of the line we go.  He is very excited about it, but I continue to feel torn.  By the time we get to the front of the line, I am still second-guessing my decision (we could be getting in the car by now).  Then, CRASH!  He was being a little careless and he drops it.  The snow globe breaks into a million little pieces, sending shattered glass and liquid everywhere (quite amazing so much came out of something so small).  I let out an involuntary gasp (a little louder than I realize) and between that and the crash, everyone at the counters turns around and stares at us. 

My son looks shocked and I see a wave of emotions cross his face.  He knows he messed up, but his way to fix it is to run back over to the display to see if there is another one.  As I bend down to pick up some of the bigger pieces, a sales lady comes over with paper towels to help me.  Apparently noticing that I’m none too happy about the whole thing, she tells me not to worry, she’ll put it down as “damaged.” 

He’s back – with relief all over his face, “Look, Mom!  They had one more left with her name on it!  We can still get it.”  If I was torn before, I am completely conflicted now.  It was one of those moments I wished someone would just freeze-frame the scene and tell me what to do.  

I don’t know why I am so mad – but I am.  Am I frustrated at his carelessness, which seems to be happening more and more lately?  Am I upset because there doesn’t seem to be any responsibility taken at breaking it?  Do most kids just think, oh no big deal, I’ll just get another one???!  That everything is replaceable – that money comes from an endless supply?  That type of thinking is one example of why our economy is so messed up today.  Then again, he is only 7.  Am I punishing him for the sins of grown-ups (ones who really should know better)? 

Before all this happened in our economy recently, I never would have thought twice about buying the stupid little ornament.  You and I know it’s not the cost of it per ce.  It is what it represents (spending $5 here and $5 there – on silly little things).  I am trying to be more aware, more conscious in my spending.  So for me, this whole scene has a much bigger meaning.  But is that entirely fair to him?

I am thinking the right thing to do is to pay for BOTH snow globes (the one he broke and the one we are taking) but to spend $10 on this little thing is just too much for me to bear!  If I was hard-core, I would make him pay for both of them – but he doesn’t have that kind of money in his piggy bank (which makes me feel like maybe we shouldn’t have been in line in the first place!)

So I tell him he will need to pay for one of them.  Since we haven’t worked out an allowance system yet, I tell him he can earn the money by doing jobs for me around the house, or with some of his Tooth Fairy money.  He is agreeable to that, and the look on his face when he got home and proudly showed his Dad what he was going to give his teacher was priceless.  I guess you could say it all worked out.

But this Zen Mama Wannabe still thinks about what happened in the store and how bothered I was over it. What was the “right” way to handle it? (I like to be prepared if - God forbid - it should happen again.  After all, we still have a lot of growing up years in front of us.)  Was I overreacting – just having one of those hormonal days?  Was there an opportunity there for one of those teachable moments – and did I blow it?   I wanted to make sure he got the lesson – but now I wonder if really the lesson there was for me??

You Say O-Bam-A, I Say O-Bom-A

The folks at my mom’s retirement home are having an ice cream social to celebrate Barack Obama being elected President of the United States.  “I just don’t get what all the fuss is about,” my mom complained.  Excuse me??  Don’t get the fuss??!!!  Even if you didn’t vote for him, and she didn’t, how can you not understand why so many in our country (and around the world!) are going wild over this?  I keep telling my children, “This is history.  Right here, right now, (“at this defining moment” to steal his elegant words) history is being made.”  I try to impress upon them the significance of what has happened and yet my own mother doesn’t get it? 

She jokes she is 1 of 3 Republicans living there.  Quite frankly, it surprises me.  I guess I stereotype older people in the Republican category (especially well-off older people).  But at her retirement home, you have never seen so many Obama pins and buttons in your life.  Many belong to the Seniors for Peace club and they march out on the corner every Friday afternoon (some pushing their walkers, some parked in their wheelchairs) holding banners and waving at cars.  

I ran into one of my mom’s friends there in the elevator and we got to talking about the election.  She asked what I thought about Election Night.  I told her I cried while listening to his acceptance speech and she told me she did too.  40+ years between our ages, and we both felt similar feelings of hope and inspiration and amazement at what had been achieved.  So I struggle a bit to understand my own mom when she acts so nonchalant about it all. 

I do get where my mom is coming from – my mom’s parents were Republicans, and her grandparents too – and certainly I respect her views.  But I still do not completely get her resistance to at least acknowledging the momentous event that happened on November 4th.  

She did save the newspaper for me like I asked of her, so I could tuck it away for the kids to look at one day.  But when she called him O-BAM-A (rhyming with Alabama) I kind of lost it.  “Mother!” and yes I still say it like I did when I was 13 and mortified over something she said or did – like all teenage daughters do from time to time.  “If my kids (including my Little One who is only 4!) can say his name right, I think you can too!”  (I suppose I should be grateful she didn’t call him “That One,” right?) 

But I must say to her credit, she did ask if I read his books and that maybe I could bring them over next time so she could read them too.  And that’s what I love about her.  At least she was trying. And at least she is now saying his name right.  At this point, that is good enough for me. 

Meanwhile, my son (the aspiring author) was so in awe to overhear that Obama had written two bestselling books, in addition to now being elected President.  To hear a skinny little white boy saying, “I want to be like Barack Obama when I grow up!” really sums up what happened with this whole election, I think.  And this Zen Mama Wannabe can look him in the eye and tell him, “Honey, in the United States, anything is possible!” because at last it feels like it really is.

How to Fall off a Bike

Isn’t it amazing what we can read from watching body language?  As I pulled into a parking spot, I watched from a distance as a mom (out for what appeared to be a fun family outing) took a major wipeout on her bicycle.  Her front wheel must have hit something -- it wobbled a bit and seemed to go in one direction while the rest of her bike went in the other.  Her body could only manage opposing forces for so long; seconds later she and her bike crashed in a big heap on the side of the bike path. 

I saw her daughter look back to see what made that loud noise.  Stopping quickly, she jumped off her bike and ran over to help her mom.  The dad and the son were on ahead (typical, eh) – by the time they noticed the rest of their group was not with them and rode back to the scene, the daughter had already gotten the bike off the mom and was hovering over her. 

From my vantage point, it looked like the mom was not seriously hurt – probably just her share of scrapes and scratches and what seemed to be a bloody knee.  She looked very shaken and upset -- very full of emotion.  Soon those emotions bubbled over -- because they always have to go somewhere, don't they?!  I couldn’t hear what her husband said to her, but I saw her react to him in anger when he reached out his hand to pull her up.  He obviously rose to the bait and yelled back at her – and I watched a nice family activity disintegrate in 10 seconds flat. 

I watched a now miserable woman get back on her bike (her husband had stormed off and was far ahead – the children put in the middle (pardon the pun) between them.  The son was peddling furiously trying to keep up with the dad; the daughter was going much slower, trying to wait for the mom to catch up, but not lose sight of her brother or dad.  I’m sure every pedal that mom took made her knee hurt that much more, only added to the lousy feelings it looked like she was experiencing. 

I thought about her the whole time I was in the grocery store (my excuse for forgetting the orange juice – sorry honey!).  About those unexpected bumps in the road that cause us to tip over and fall down.  Some of those bumps really hurt, and sometimes we feel we need to put on a brave face (especially in front of our family or friends) when really we want to just sit and cry.  How all the emotions we feel have to get expressed SOME way – so if it is not with a good cry, it often comes out in snappiness or outright anger, usually mis-directed at the ones around us that care the most.  How often do we push away those we love (or cause them to pedal off) after we’ve pulled them down in our misery pit with us? 

I want to be the kind of mom (the kind of person) that turns those feelings of sadness or hurt into laughter.  That’s right – I want to be the one sitting there on the ground, perhaps in pain, but laughing my ass off.  There can be tears running down my face, smearing my mascara all over the place, mortifying me, the whole scene horrifying my children, making my husband just shake his head (sometimes with me that is all he can do) – but through it all, I want the courage to laugh.

I’m not talking about some weak little laugh from the back of my throat -- I want it to be a big, bold Julia Roberts laugh.  I want to laugh at my carelessness, laugh at my embarrassment, but then pick myself up and show my kids how you get right back on again. 

When someone offers me a hand up, I want to take it, say thanks, and wipe myself off.  I want to be that kind of person -- not just FOR my kids, but for me!  Because I’m not often like that (and I so wannabe).   I mean, really – who would YOU rather go bike riding with? Or spend time with – for an hour, a day, a lifetime? 

It never ceases to amaze this Zen Mama Wannabe what lessons and reminders are out there for us – if only we take the time to notice the message – even on a drive to the grocery store!

"Quick" Visit to the Doctor

Ever been in a doctor’s exam room, half naked, waiting to be seen?  Waiting.  Waiting. Waiting.  You’ve read the magazine you brought in the room with you – twice – and it wasn’t even a good one to begin with.  Tick tock.  You have things to do.  You crammed scheduled this appointment in among the many other things you needed to get done in the few free hours you have before picking your son or daughter up from school.   Tick tock.  What do you do?  Put BACK ON your clothes so you can pop out and see what the deal is?  Perhaps there is some wild emergency going on.  Maybe they have evacuated the building and just forgotten to come and tell you!  Maybe there is a perfectly good reason why you are sitting here waiting as time keeps ticking on by.  Or not.

If my day did not feel so rushed, I think this Zen Mama Wannabe would have been content to sit there shivering in my paper robe.  I have been meaning to find the time to read through last month’s issue of O Magazine, or maybe flip through the waiting room copies of House Beautiful or Martha Stewart Living.  If I had had my pen and notebook with me, which I use for “emergencies” just like this one, I could have done some writing or made out another holiday To Do list.

But there are no other reading materials in this exam room, except the Lifestyles of the Insanely Rich and Extravagant glossy that I had already perused (just a little hard for me to relate to the “must have” $15,000 handbag featured this month).   As it would go, I didn’t remember to bring a pad of paper with me as I rushed out the door earlier this morning.  And quite honestly, I am not in the mood to sit there and day dream/meditate.  I want to get what was supposed to be a “quick” (their words) follow-up visit over with and get on with my day! 

When she finally enters the room, her big smile greets me.  I partially smile back as I wait for the apology that I know is bound to follow.  Only, it never does!  Instead she starts in with a stream of pleasant small talk and then how I look just like this woman named Julia and do I know Julia and oh my goodness, Julia and I could be twins! 

What do you do with that?  What a great distraction technique, eh?  The whole twin thing throws me.  Now I can’t help but wonder, if I saw this woman, would I think she looked like me?  Don’t you wonder sometimes how people see you?  What you see as “golden brown” maybe others see as “dishwater blond” – which I never thought sounded particularly appealing, no matter WHOSE hair it is describing.  What you call just a few pounds, others might call bustin' at the seams.  What you think of as casual, others call dumpy.  You get the idea. 

So, no  "Sorry to keep you waiting."  No  "Oh, we’ve been so-o busy this morning."  Just that I look just like this Julia lady she knows.  And before I know it, my “quick” appointment is done.  Guess it was quick – except for the long part where I had to wait.  And wait.  And wait. 

Was it Fate’s sense of humor when I popped into Starbucks for a pick-me-up coffee later in the day that the girl behind the counter’s name was Julia?!  I of course discretely studied every feature - like any confirmed crazy lady would - and finally reached the conclusion that she looked nothing like me.  But I must say, she sure made a tasty nonfat peppermint latte.  And after all the other stuff, who could ask for anything more?!

Feeling Not So Perky

When my friend handed me the screening passes, it was hard not to jump up and down get excited.  A free movie – one we wanted to see anyway – one that was appropriate for both kids to watch (a rarity!) – and to get to see it BEFORE everyone else!  Sounded like a dream!

“You are so about the perks,” my husband said.

No-o-o!  It is all about the kids – look how excited they are – they have been wanting to see this since they first heard about it months ago. 

“Yeah.  Wonder who got them so excited about it??  You've got the whole night planned out. You and your rose-colored glasses!” 

Hmmm. 

Here we were – 3 excited family members with 3 free movie-screening passes.  No need to feel bad for my husband (he was going to be out of town on business); it would all work out perfectly.

Yet, as the date got closer, my enthusiasm started to wane.  Sure it was free – but by the time I drove into the city, paid for parking and the bridge toll, it would be just as expensive as paying to see it in my town’s own theater.  But whatever, it’s not about the money, right?

The fine print on the passes read, “Seating is first come, first served.”  This means getting there early, standing in line (ugh)…and then again, it IS a school night; maybe it is easier better to just stay at home.  But now (thanks to my earlier sales pitch) I have two pairs of eager eyes looking up at me – no, we will press on.

We get into the city, wolf down a quick dinner and are waiting in line by 5:40pm.  We chat with this woman in front of us, who is there (like me) with her 2 kids.  My kids wait as patiently as they know how for this big event.  What about the popcorn you promised, my son wants to know?  Oh, but now the line is starting to move – can’t take a chance on that now.  Later, I say reassuringly. 

At 6:10pm we make our way into the theater, where it quickly comes apparent there are not 3 seats together.  There didn’t seem to be 3 seats to be found ANYWHERE – except for all those empty seats in the two Reserved rows (for all those lucky VIPs).  It is official; I hate this. 

I search for a theater worker, begging him to help us find seats.  Not his problem, he tells me.  It’s a special event – he just works there.  Okay – well, thanks so much.  Then what about all those poor fools people still waiting in line outside the theater?  If there aren’t any seats for us to be found, what are all of them going to do?  Line hysteria quickly sets in (much to the man’s chagrin) but that wasn’t solving OUR problem. 

My son can’t seem to get his head around the fact that it would seem like we are not about to get to see this movie.  His lip is trembling, although he’s trying to be strong, but I can tell he doesn’t understand why we could have passes to this (and have come all this way) and then NOT get to see the movie. 

Both kids look so disappointed and at this point neither is saying a word.  I wanted to find the person in charge (who apparently does not exist) to have him or her look at their faces (no tantrums here -- just real sadness and confusion) and explain to them why we didn’t have a seat. 

It’s now 6:20pm and I've switched strategies; I am now working on the person in charge of the roped off VIP seats.  Two minutes before show time, if they are not all filled, she said she would release them to the rest of us common folk.  But now others are getting wise to my plan and hovering around her just like me.  It’s getting ugly.  Trying to look on the bright side, I’m thrilled I didn’t waste my money on popcorn; having a tub of popcorn and no movie to go with it would just be too much to bear.

Then someone taps me.  It’s the woman who had been standing in front of us in line – who had later hopped up closer to the front of the line because she saw someone she knew.  She pulled me over to where she was sitting – where 2 lone seats were hiding under some coats and bags.  If you can put your daughter on your lap, she told me, they’re yours!  And just like that, we had seats! 

We don’t think about cause and effect very often, but it is around us all the time.  I had struck up a conversation with that lady while we were waiting in line.  It was apparent we were from very different walks of life, but I enjoyed the opportunity to talk to her.  I was gracious about saving her spot in line so she and her kids could walk around a bit while we were waiting.  I hadn’t done it with intention; I was just being nice.  And yet, the effect of my actions was that she saw us and our predicament (no seats) and came to our rescue.  She didn’t have to, of course.  But she did.  And thanks to her we were now watching the movie instead of heading back home. 

As far as the movie goes, thumbs up from my son, thumbs down from my little girl – who found it too scary for her liking (this is the little girl who has seen Star Wars – but maybe seeing it up on a big screen makes it that much more real than watching it at home – which is what we usually do).  We got home after 9:00pm (way after their bedtimes) and actually into bed even later.  Somehow, I had forgotten to factor that part in.

Was it worth it?  Well, the night was certainly not how I had envisioned it (my life-long problem with these dang rose-colored glasses).  But the drama of not having seats -- and the nice gesture of that lady -- certainly made an impression on my kids – even if the movie didn’t that much.  I think I learned I am going to think things through a little more ahead of time before selling my "great" ideas to my children. 

But is this Zen Mama Wannabe ready to ditch those rose-colored glasses once and for all?  Not on your life!  Besides, there is a book signing happening here next week with our all-time favorite chef Ina Garten (The Barefoot Contessa)!  An afternoon in the city, the chance for us to actually meet Ina Garten, getting her brand new cookbook…..sounds so fun, doesn’t it??  Ah yes, here we go again! 

The Day After the Election

Less than 24 hours ago, the election officially ended and a new President of the United States was elected.  We - in this Zen Mama Wannabe’s household -  are overjoyed at the results. 

For the first time in either of our lifetimes, a candidate “spoke” to my husband and me – in a way no one ever has before.  For the first time, we gave money to a Presidential campaign (three times actually!) because we believed so strongly.  For the first time, we watched each and every debate as well as a multitude of political shows just about nightly because we were so engaged and interested in what he had to say.  For the first time ever, I cried while listening to an acceptance speech – and from what I saw on TV, mine were certainly not the only wet eyes.

When he was alive, my father would often remind me of one of his favorite sayings:

We all live under the same sky, yet each have a different horizon. 

I think about that as I remind myself that not everyone feels as I do, that not everyone voted for the candidate I did, and that some of us see it very differently.  Not everyone is celebrating in the manner we did last night and though it is easy for us to say, “Time to move forward, work together, heal the wounds…” it is harder to do that when you are on the losing side. 

I would hope those who voted for John McCain would try to muster the same graciousness and maturity as Elisabeth Hasselbeck, a co-host on The View, did this morning:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8K41g2ttyK4

I don’t watch The View, but in following of all the election coverage these past months, it was hard to miss hearing about the outspokenness of Elisabeth Hasselbeck who has been a HUGE McCain/Palin supporter.  Please watch this clip and hear for yourself the words she spoke about our new President Elect (and feel free to forward it to any McCain supporters you know who might need to be reminded of how you move forward – and not end up a sore loser). 

I will warn you that if you are like me, you will not be able to watch this clip without having tears well up in your eyes as another co-host, Sherri Shepherd, speaks up at the end.  No matter who you sided with in this process, I think we all realize that something far greater happened last night than just a man winning an election.  

Finally, since I’ve already admitted to all this blubbering, I will confess the part about Barack Obama’s grandmother dying a day before Election Day got to me too.  But I heard a man on the radio sum it up so well.  He said something to the effect that she hadn’t been trying to raise the next President of the United States; she had just been trying to help raise a great man – and so, she had already seen her dreams come true.  Well put.  And thanks to you, Madelyn Dunham -- you helped make so many others’ dreams come true too!     

Make Your Grandma Proud: VOTE!

If you needed yet another reason to vote tomorrow, check out this article from ABC News: Smarter People More Likely to Vote.

Anyway, that is what this Zen Mama Wannabe will be doing tomorrow.  I purposely did NOT do early voting in my state because I love going to the polls on Election Day.  Call me a Geek of the Week, but I love that feeling of being there on Election Day -- like you are a part of the action, a part of the excitement.  I love getting my "I Just Voted" sticker and wearing it with pride.  Well, usually my one of my kids ends up wearing it, but I feel pride just the same.  Like my little vote helped make a difference. 

It seems so hard to believe that it wasn't REALLY that long ago that women were not allowed to vote.  In our country, it was only 88 years ago that the passage of the 19th Amendment granting women the right to vote went through.  To put it in perspective, my own grandmother was raising young children and running a household but was not able to vote.  During World War I, women were asked to work on assembly lines and in factories to support the war effort, and even in the war as nurses, but still were not able to vote.  The growing outrage and injustice over this finally made President Wilson in a 1918 speech say:

"We have made partners of the women in this war. Shall we admit them only to a partnership of suffering and sacrifice and toil and not to a partnership of right?"

There is a song on the Mary Poppins soundtrack (yes, I know, what can I say - my children love musicals) called "Sister Suffragette" telling of the battle English women in the early 1900's were going through to earn the right to vote: "Take heart! For Missus Pankhurst has been clapped in irons again!"  Since they listen to it repeatedly, I know the words to the songs by heart -- and this one part keeps sticking with me:

Our daughter's daughters will adore us. 
And they'll sing in grateful chorus
  "Well done, Sister Suffragette!"

Our grandmothers and grand-grandmothers fought so hard for the right for us to vote; do you think they would be shaking their heads (or their fists?) if they could see the lack of appreciation for all their efforts or the apathy many of us have when election time rolls around.  How in the world could any of us be "too busy" or not interested enough in our country and our future to not vote??!!!  But something like that happened because the last time around (in 2004) 20 million women didn't vote in the Presidential Election!  Women had the power to decide the election -- and we blew it! 

So, tomorrow is our chance -- tomorrow is our opportunity!  Women's voices need to be heard!  Show your kids your belief that your vote (that every vote) matters!  Show them that you are interested in having a say in our country's future (and in their future too)!  If nothing else, make all those women who fought so hard and so long for us to have the RIGHT TO VOTE proud. 

                                   

Scrooge for Halloween?

I for one am thrilled it is November 1st.  Halloween is over.  All those endless days leading up to Halloween are over.  Time for us to move on.  The few decorations we had up can be put away; all that’s left are the plastic pumpkin treats containers, filled with sugary goodies in every shape and size.  I’d like to get rid of those too, but for the moment they can stay where they are (on the kitchen counter where my children haven’t stopped ooh-ing and ahh-ing over them as though they were prized treasures to be revered and admired).  And as I glare that those silly grinning jack-o’-lanterns, I can’t help but wonder:  has this Zen Mama Wannabe become an Ol’ Scrooge when it comes to Halloween? 

                               

The day of Halloween was spent driving around – first dropping kids off at school, then racing home to get something (one thing – ANYthing done) before driving over to take my mom to an audiologist appointment, then back home for lunch before rushing off to pick up my little one from preschool, then racing over to the elementary school for the Halloween Parade – which couldn’t happen outside on the blacktop due to the rain that had been coming down all morning.  So the Parade was relocated to the multi-purpose room with only a few grades let in at a time.  Instead of usual parading around with the Principal while the rest of the students looked on, it was “go up and stand with the Principal for 5 seconds" in a group of other similarly dressed students (all Princesses and Fairies; okay next all Star Wars, space and aliens costumes, etc).  Parents were elbowing up to take a quick picture (of what? A big blob of kids in costumes – exactly what I need to mark the moment).  And in all the chaos, I couldn’t help but think, “I RUSHED over here IN THE RAIN for this??!!” 

Then the guilt sets in, because of course you are a bad mother for even letting those thoughts enter your brain.  Shame on me!  I thought about all the working moms feeling guilty for not being able to be there to witness these Halloween festivities.  They are feeling bad for being at work and wishing they were there; I was there, feeling bad for wishing I were somewhere else!  You simply cannot win. 

Two of my mom friends who grew up out the country rolled their eyes with me, and like sympathetic souls, didn’t need to say a word. They didn’t have trick or treating or the whole costume thing growing up where they did.  I think we sometime forget that Halloween is a very AMERICAN holiday.  And like Americans, we think “if this is good, then THIS must be better” and we spend even MORE money on costumes and candy and decorations and party supplies and before we know it, we have created this whole huge production!   We have Christmas lights we put up, so why not Halloween lights?  We have holiday decorations – so why not massive Halloween decorations?  Somewhere, some brilliant retailers are laughing their way to the bank at the money that we spend on all this exorbitance and excess.  But now I really sound like a Scrooge!

As we finally started gathering up our children, another mom and I got to bemoaning all candy our kids would be getting in just a few short hours.  How did it ever become so much about the candy, she wondered, especially now when we know how horrible partially hydrogenized oils and all those various dyes are.  I asked her if she limited the amount of candy her kids could have, or if she made them ration it out (the different ways families do it always fascinates me).  She said she would love to make them throw it all away in a day or two, or sell it back to the dentist (which is actually happening in a few places in our town this year) but then she said, “You know, I just don’t want to be that kind of mom.” 

Yes, I know exactly – I don’t either.  I just don’t want to be that kind of mom.  The one that forgets what it is like to be a kid.  The one that is so full of rules and boundaries and the importance of adhering to such, that she forgets what it is like to let something slide from time to time (like staying up past your bedtime to read an extra story or finish the end of your book, or eating dessert first just because it is a fun and crazy thing to do).

Which is why I have kept all my grumpy feelings to myself (no leading questions about whether my son enjoyed the lame parade, or about how much of a bummer it will be walking around in this miserable wet weather).  I gear up for the evening (that big glass of wine I used to wash my pizza down really helped) and when they are ready to go Trick or Treating, I am ready to live up to my Mom responsibilities to be Team Leader of Fun.  And when my daughter hesitantly asked me for one more piece of candy after lunch today, I said SURE – why not.  You see this grumpy mom was once a kid and remembers how much she loved her Halloween candy.  I still don’t get why it is all about the candy, but I know how fun it is to have it and pick from it and enjoy it.  So, go for it, Sister!

By Monday morning, the candy will get put up on the top shelf – in the hopes of being out of sight, out of mind. But for now, I am letting them enjoy what they have – in moderation (after all, I can’t completely slack on my mom duties)!  No one needs to know that while I pack up our Halloween decorations, I am rejoicing in the fact we now have a few weeks of quiet before the hectic-ness (albeit wonderful hectic-ness) of the holiday season begins.  No more Scrooge for me -- that is one more thing I hope to pack away with the rest of this stuff.  Now, if only I could get rid of some of this candy!